Post# 237 - Hey Nabisco - How About a Peanut Allergen-free Nutter Butter

I sent this note to Nabisco on 9/5/2011:

Dear Nabisco,

I'm an enormous fan of Nutter Butter cookies.  As with all things that I love, I obsess about them.  One year I went to a Halloween party, dressed as a giant Nutter Butter.  My girlfriend at the time, Nina, dressed as an E.L. Fudge, tried to remove my cookie coating, but that's a story for another day.

The end result of that night was a love child, young Carlton.  His mother and I aren't under the same roof anymore, but we set aside our animosities for the love of Carlton.  And when he turns 18, I'm gonna tell her off.  But that's a story for another day.

Young Carlton is a chip off the old block.  He's smart as a whip, agile as a mountain goat, and at his age, almost as sweet with the ladies as I was.  But that's a story for another day.

Here's the deal.  I love Nutter Butters.  They're part of  my life that I can't sacrifice.  On some level, I feel like Carlton deserves to try and enjoy the very cookie that played such a vital and unusual part in his origin.  However, you see, Young Carlton is allergic to peanuts.

I'm asking you as a passionate cookie fan, loving father, and spiteful ex-husband, to commence work on a peanut allergen-free Nutter Butter.  It would just be a Nutter Butter, but without the harmful peanut allergens matter.

Look, I'm not asking for results tomorrow.  Just come up with some prototypes within my lifetime.  Name your year.  2012?  Fine.  2016?  Perfect.  2024?  I guess that'll work.  How about sometime between now and 2041?  That gives you about 30 years.  I just want to share a Nutter Butter with my boy.

Is that too much to ask?

Please get started.  Only positive attitudes from here on out.

Sincerely,

Jerry
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Nabisco response, receiced 9/13/2011:

Thank You for Contacting Us!

Hi Jerry,

Thank you for visiting http://www.nabiscoworld.com/.

I appreciate you taking the time to let us know how much you enjoyed NUTTER BUTTER Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies. We take great pride in providing high quality products that are convenient, taste good, and add nutritional value.

I also wanted to take a moment to address the idea you shared with us. Kraft's policy is to encourage innovation in terms of new product and packaging ideas from consumers. Our Innovation Team is always happy to hear and consider such ideas. The Innovations Team does not, however, consider unsolicited ideas for product line extensions, packaging changes, advertising, promotions and recipes.

We want you to know that comments shared by our consumers can be very helpful to Kraft. Various Kraft teams do review comments such as yours, which help us identify consumer trends, preferences and needs.

Again, we appreciate you contacting us and applaud both your creativity and loyalty.

If you haven't done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!

Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations

~~TLXEA_22633384~~N

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Post # 166 - More Info Than I Wanted About Cheez Whiz - 2/28/2010

I was thanking Kraft for some info about their Mac and Cheese, when another topic arose.  Cheez Whiz.  The Kraft folk seized their captive audience to provide an informative lecture about their fine product.

I used this opportunity to share a truly harrowing tale with a storybook ending.  I realize now that Easy Cheese and Cheez Whiz are technically different products, but both are "cheese-inspired", non-refrigerated, non-"occurring in nature" products that fall under the Kraft umbrella.
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To: onlineteam2@casupport.com
Subject: RE: Your Comment/Question Case ID: 20259656
Date: Sun, 28 Feb 2010 00:28:22 -0500

Kim,

Thanks for the info.

I read the article about Mr. James L. Kraft, and his innovations with cheese. It sounds like he was the original Cheez Whiz. Was this product named in honor of him?

It sounds from your character Mac and Cheese explanation, that the box size is more important than flavor consistency (character box versus standard box).

Also in the article, I noticed that Phillip Morris owns Kraft. Friends of mine work in the auto industry, and they are strongly encouraged to "drive Big 3 automobiles." Are Kraft employees encouraged to smoke up?

All of the information that you provided was great and helpful. Thanks again.


Jerry
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Dear Jerry,


Thank you for visiting http://www.kraftfoods.com/ and for your interest in CHEEZ WHIZ.

During the early 1950s, melted cheese served over toast was common luncheon fare. Kraft intended to create a specialty product that would compete with a cheese rarebit sauce available on the East Coast. The sales department encouraged the R&D staff to think bigger—and create an all-purpose cheese sauce.

Kraft test-marketed Cheez Whiz in 1952—and introduced the product nationally in the U.S. the following year. After Cheez Whiz hit the market, Kraft surveyed consumers to learn how they were using the product—and found over 1,000 different uses.

In 1986, Kraft repositioned Cheez Whiz as the “Marvelous Microwave in a Minute Cheese Sauce.” Consumer demand for reduced fat foods led to the development of Cheez Whiz Light, introduced in 1992. The following year, Kraft brought out Squeezable Cheez Whiz — a product that successfully capitalized on the nacho trend.

Cheez Whiz made its U.S. national debut on July 1, 1953.

Also, Philip Morris acquired General Foods in 1985 and Kraft, Inc in 1988. In January, 1986 Christie Brown & Co. and Associated Biscuits of Canada integrated. The two food subsidiaries were combined to form Kraft General Foods, Inc in 1989.

In 1995 Kraft General Foods adopted a one company philosophy and changed the company name to Kraft Foods Inc. In 2004, Kraft changed its name to Kraft Foods Global Inc. to better reflect its global one-company philosophy.

On April 2, 2007, Kraft Foods began operating as a fully independent company.

If you haven’t done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!

Kim

Associate Director, Consumer Relations
~~TLXEA_20259656~~Y

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My response, sent 3/10/2010

Dear Kim,


Now I’m in the know. Thanks.

You mentioned that Cheez Whiz is an all purpose product. I’ll say! Let me tell you about a recent experience, where Cheez Whiz helped me out in a real pinch.

It was late. It was dark. I was in a bad neighborhood. A car pulled up next to me and gestured to my rear tire. “Your tire is flat!”, he mouthed.

I looked around. There weren’t any service stations around. I felt very vulnerable. I grabbed the lug wrench and couldn’t break the lug nuts free. As I put the lug wrench back in the trunk, I saw a little slice of heaven. I had three cans of Easy Cheez aerosol cheese product in my trunk.

Guess who filled his tire with Cheez Whiz aerosol cheese product? Guess who was able to drive to a safe neighborhood on a half-inflated tire filled with Cheez Whiz? That would be me, Kim.

Guess who got a dirty look (and later a laundry bill) from the mechanic? While it saved me, and while it sounded funny when I was driving, it made for a messy repair. But the cheese product actually patched the tire, and it is holding 35 psi of air.

On a positive note, the mechanic was able to salvage much of the Cheez Whiz. Guess who pulled a bag of Tostitos from the trunk, and shared with the entire garage? That would be me, Kim.

Thanks again!

Jerry

From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com/
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Post # 162 - Kraft and the Lost Golden Nutty Bar - 2-24-2010

Dear Kraft,

My son Alex is eight years old. Like all children, he is vulnerable to a society who buries its problems in ranch dressing and kicks perceived “failures” to its proverbial curb. When Alex was five, he scored extremely high on his early development assessment test (EDAT). Ever since then, elite Montessoris and private schools have been ringing our phone off the hook. It seems they want Alex, who is also very athletic and good looking, as the poster child for their learning institutions.

Last week, my son participated in the Little Debbie Michigan State Nine-And-Under Spelling Bee, held in Hartland, MI. In this competition, the best of the best compete for the Golden Nutty Bar. On the surface, the prize is just a Little Debbie Treat dipped in 10 karat gold, with a fancy nameplate (engraved in 16 point Times New Roman, all caps). But this prize represents much, much more—bragging rights, and resume’ fodder down the road.

The Golden Nutty Bar draws crowds, and shrewd businessmen love when it finds its way into their businesses. Therefore, it’s a ticket to free dinners at restaurants, free movie passes, the chance to cut ahead in lines at amusement parks and state fairs. The award is escorted around by a Little Debbie representative (legend has Little Debbie herself escorting the first one around). People wait in long lines to have their picture taken with it.

The spelling bee was going well—Alex survived several rounds. Easy words (they call them “cupcakes” in the Bee circles) like “taste," "thicken," and "busy” in the early rounds. Alex spelled intermediate words like “stamina," "craters," and "fantastic” in the middle rounds. It was here that 90 percent of the field was weeded out. In the final rounds, ten eager little spellers managed their way through words like Aborigines, conundrum, and Deuteronomy. The final word came down to two: Alex and an adorable little girl named Connie. Alex blew it. “Craft: K-R-A-F-T.”

It seems that Alex caved to mounting pressure and reverted back to his favorite Mac and Cheese. Sweet, innocent Connie, now the winner, made the “choke” gesture at Alex. Right there on Cable Access 23, for all of our friends, neighbors, and relatives to see. Alex has forever labeled as the Little Debbie Michigan State Nine-And-Under Spelling Bee Runner Up. Schools have stropped calling. Now he gets to look forward to people asking him what word he misspelled. Because that’s our society—“let’s not focus on the seventeen words you nailed, including orthodontia”.

Why don’t you spell your own name correctly? Why you even have a commercial jingle—a catchy one, where you mis-spell it for us. "Kay-Are-Aye-Eff-Tee!" Why? Why? Why? I realize you’d have to spend a little to update some billboards and websites, and packaging labels, but isn’t the right thing to do often the most expensive? Wasn’t Whitney Houston correct when she proclaimed that she believes “the children are the future?”

Sincerely,

Jerry

PS--Also, why do you short us about 25% of the noodles in your character themed Mac and Cheese? Does this offset the licensing? It seriously alters the noodle-to-cheese ratio. Alex won't eat the regular Mac and Cheese now. Is this part of some bigger plan?
-------------------------------------------
Thank You for Contacting Us!


Hi Jerry,

Thank you for contacting www.kraftfoodscompany.com and inquiring about the spelling of the word Kraft and the difference in weight for our KRAFT Macaroni & Cheese products.

Attached is our history and will explain why our name is spelled K-r-a-f-t.

http://www.kraftfoods.com/consumerrelations/HIS13-JL-KRAFT-History.pdf

Should you experience any difficulty opening the link(s) please copy and paste it into your browser.

Also, the reason that there is a difference in net weight between Shapes and Original is that the way Shapes are stamped there isn't as much room to fill the same amount of pasta in the same sized box. The amount of cheese sauce is the same

It was great hearing from you, and I encourage you to browse our website to take advantage of the great online food content that’s available 24 hours a day!

Kim
Associate Director, Consumer Relations
~~TLXEA_20259656~~N
---------------------------------------------------
To: onlineteam2@casupport.com

Subject: RE: Your Comment/Question Case ID: 20259656
Date: Sun, 28 Feb 2010 00:28:22 -0500

Kim,

Thanks for the info.

I read the article about Mr. James L. Kraft, and his innovations with cheese. It sounds like he was the original Cheez Whiz. Was this product named in honor of him?

It sounds from your character Mac and Cheese explanation, that the box size is more important than flavor consistency (character box versus standard box).

Also in the article, I noticed that Phillip Morris owns Kraft. Friends of mine work in the auto industry, and they are strongly encouraged to "drive Big 3 automobiles". Are Kraft employees encouraged to smoke up?

All of the information that you provided was great and helpful. Thanks again.

Jerry

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Post # 54 - Kraft Cheese Slice "Skin" - 5/5/1998

Kraft's Customer Service is among the best. They had two options. 1) Call me an idiot. 2) Go out of their way to make me feel appreciated, throwing coupons and even assigning blame on themselves. They took the high road, going as far to say that their "lab" investigated the foreign matter.


Dear Cheese Weasels,

I love cheese. I always have. In high school, some of my cronies nicknamed me “The Mouse”. Between classes, I’d walk down the halls and they’d say “Hey. There goes the Mouse!” I was a good sport about it until some wise apple put a loaded mousetrap into the pocket of my gym short pockets and it went off during calisthenics.

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I tried your individual cheese slices. In the past, I had always favored traditional cheese—Colby, Swiss, and Muenster. I love cheese, and that is why it is hard for me to write about what happened.

I like eating cheese sandwiches, and the process of slicing my cheese off of a big block has just become too tedious. So I went to the store and succumbed to temptation. I bought your cheese slices and brought them home. As I opened the package, the pretty maids were all in a row, like a brand new deck of cards. I took one slice from the middle of the deck, placed it on my rye bread, with a leaf of lettuce, a dollop of mayonnaise, some ham and tomato.

As I bit into it, something was strange. The cheese seemed a little tough. The outer skin was almost impossible to chew. The inside tastes so good that I can’t stop eating it. But that outer skin is nasty.

I am dissatisfied with the cheese that I purchased. I would appreciate an explanation as to why each slice I have eaten has been tough. Like a trooper, I ride the storm out with each slice, only to gain the final satisfaction of what I call “inner-cheese bliss”. But these would be much better without the tough outer skin. Are you leaving them out too long? Sometimes with traditional cheese, if I leave it out too long, it gets a tough outer coating. Please respond.

My Cravings I Appease With Plenty of Cheese,

Larry
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Response from Kim at Kraft, dated May 7, 1998:

Dear Larry,

We are sorry to learn of your disappointment with our products. Your satisfaction is our greatest concern, and we want to know if a product fails to meet your expectation.

To achieve the high quality products which our consumers have every right to expect, we give careful attention to each step of preparation and packaging in our manufacturing process. We begin with the careful selection and blending of ingredients using proportions and methods that have been outlined by our food technologists in order to achieve the proper flavor and consistency. The production lines are closely monitored, and samples from each production run are tested and evaluated before shipment in an effort to prevent any unsatisfactory products from entering distribution.

The quality of all the cheese is dependent upon the milk supply used, which in turn depends on factors such as times of the year, weather and animal feed. We take into account all of these variables, and maintain strict specifications for the milk and other ingredients. During the manufacture of our cheese products, we are constantly testing and checking moisture and fat content, from the raw ingredients to the finished products, so that our product is uniform in flavor and consistency.

We appreciate your bringing this to our attention and have notified the individuals responsible for the manufacture of this product to try to prevent any recurrence. We regret that you obtained a product that was inconsistent with its usual quality and, therefore, are enclosing reimbursement for your purchase. We hope you will enjoy a new purchase, and that it will meet with your expectations.

Sincerely,

Kim

Enclosed: Coupon for free Kraft Product
-----------------------------------------
My reply, dated 5/22/1998

Dear Kim,

Thank you for your quick response to my cheese problem.

In your letter, you related the quality of the cheese to the milk supply quality, which depends on factors such as weather. I am wondering if El Nino has reared its ugly head yet again. Because I am finding that every slice of your cheese is affected by the ravages of this strange “skin”. I have begun “peeling” this skin off. I am sending a skin—please have your food technologists analyze it.

In your letter, you mentioned milk as the critical ingredient, and weather as a contributor to its success or failure. I’ll bet when it’s all said and done, the lab results will come back with all signs pointing at…El Nino. Please keep me posted.

Peeling the Skin From My Cheese Again,


Larry

Enclosed: One “skin” (a cheese cellophane wrapper)
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Rhonda’s response, dated June 12, 1998:

Dear Larry,

Thank you for your patience while our laboratory analysts examined the foreign matter you indicated you found in our product, Kraft Deluxe Process Cheese Slices. We appreciate having the opportunity to respond to your concerns.

Our laboratory analysts identified the foreign matter as a piece of plastic packaging. To achieve the high quality products which our customers have every right to expect, we give careful attention in our manufacturing processes to each step of production and packaging. Our quality control personnel maintain close supervision of the production lines in an effort to detect any problems or unsatisfactory packaging. We regularly check our production lines, however, oversights may sometimes occur.

We appreciate your bringing this to our attention and have notified the individuals responsible for the manufacture of this product. Enclosed is a complimentary coupon for your use. We hope we may continue to count you among our most valued consumers.

Sincerely,

Rhonda

Enclosed: Coupon for Kraft Deluxe Process Cheese Slices (Note: NOT INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED!!!!!)

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Post# 44 - Kraft Part II: Tainted Brownies?

I addressed this letter to "Amanda", who had left me a voicemail about my Jello product issue.
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June 11, 2009

Dear Amanda,

I received your voicemail this afternoon, while on my way back to the local Starbucks. It seems that most of our society thinks that it is okay to take drugs. I preached to a bunch of them about the sinfulness of using caffeine to get high. One of the gentlemen, a frumpy, side burned, heavy set fellow draped in flannel and corduroy trousers and sideburns, beat the living snot out of me. He threw my cell phone across the parking lot. The pieces won’t go back together. The best way to contact me now is via email.

Unfortunately, I have a second “incident” to report. This time is not Jell-O, although I am still concerned about that particular product issue. In this instance, I believe the culprit is your Baker’s chocolate.

I came home today from Starbucks, in low spirits. My 18-year-old daughter Mabel was home from college again, with her sinner friends. They were all taking a nice nap on my living room floor. I went in the kitchen and saw a half a tray of brownies. I ate one. It was heaven. I ate a second one. Then suddenly the house started spinning and jumping. Spinning and jumping. I finished the tray. A dragon came out of the wall and sang “I Love Rock and Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

Then I woke up with my head in the salad crisper, and a mouthful of romaine lettuce. I was famished. Mabel and I ate everything in the fridge, including the baking soda. Then Marge came home and asked Mabel if there were any special ingredients in those brownies. Her response: “Kraft Baker’s One Unsweetened Chocolate.”

Could your chocolate have been tainted? I found the package—it wasn’t expired. I’ve read where cocoa comes from a plant that also makes drugs. Could the wrong part of the plant have been used?

Please advise.

Sincerely,

Jerry
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They left me another voicemail on June 12, 2009.

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Essay #3 – Trying to Do Something Positive

Throughout the course of my letter writing campaign, I’ve been on the receiving end of numerous freebies—shop vacs, sunglasses, watches, car alarms, fizz keepers, and lots and lots of coupons for free stuff. Lots of times, food manufacturers will “smooth it over” and avoid saying they’re wrong, or avoid telling me that I’m an idiot, by sending me coupons. For example, my letter about “tainted Jell-O” resulted in coupons for ten free boxes.

On one hand, I’m like “SCORE!” On the other hand, I feel like I should be giving something back. I have decided that for nonperishable coupons that I receive from companies, I’m going to cash them in and donate the items to the local food bank. In addition, I will “match” the donation with the cash-equivalent of canned goods. So, in the Jell-O example, the ten coupons are worth $1.25 each. I’ll donate the ten Jell-O’s, plus $12.50 worth of canned goods to the food pantry. I normally wait until Kroger has 10 for 10 on nonperishable items. It’s the least I can do.

Here’s a link if you’re interested.

http://julieslist.homestead.com/FoodResources.html


From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 19 - Kraft: Tainted Jello?

Dear Jell-O Folk,

I’m a simple man. I live a simple life. Once in a while, Marge would fix us some of your delightfully flavored gelatin desserts. This would qualify as the highlight of my week. I have always loved your products. However, my most recent “brush” with your products was unacceptable, to say the least.

This past Saturday night, I came home from preaching. I greeted my 18-year-old daughter, Mabel, and some of her sinner friends. Having screamed at congregations for some four hours straight, I had my sweet tooth. Right there in the refrigerator was some Jell-O that Mabel had prepared. Because it resided in ice cube trays, I figured it was “leftover” gelatin solution from some delightful gelatin dessert cups with whipped cream.

I decided to enjoy a rainbow of Jell-o snacks, one tray at a time. I think I had two trays worth—yellow, green, red and orange. This was clearly more than the standard eight ounce allotment. Gluttony is a sin! At first, I felt euphoria. Then everything became blurry. When I woke up the next morning, I had a really bad headache, and my mouth was dry. Mabel was really upset with me. Apparently, I had consumed her dessert and ruined her entire evening. The bed was spinning like some sort of sinful carnival ride.

Marge showed me a video that she had made—one of me urinating in front of a large group of neighbors, right on Mrs. Fredricks’ beautiful bed of lilacs. I also saw footage of me dancing naked on top of my car, out in the driveway. Apparently, I had also taken that car for a ride. I came home with several unhealthy items from Taco Bell, an R-Rated film from Blockbuster. Also, my paperboy pierced my ear. I don’t remember any of this, and now I owe Mrs. Fredricks some lilacs.

I went through the rubbish and found the empty Jell-O boxes. Nothing seemed odd—they were still within their freshness window. Can you explain this? Is there any sort of recall in progress for tainted Jell-O? Could this be an allergic reaction? Please advise. I'm hesitant to consume any more Jell-O products until I get to the bottom of this mystery.

I’m planning on speaking to my congregation about my Jell-O experience this Saturday. I just wanted to bring this product issue to your attention.

Sincerely,

Jerry

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Automated note from Kraft, sent 6/10/09

Mr. Jerry,

Your feedback is very important and we'll do our best to respond to your inquiry as quickly as possible.

Thank you - Kraft Consumer Relations Day or night, 365 days a year, you can get instant answers to our most commonly asked questions by visiting http://kraftfoods.custhelp.com

Other ways to contact us: Phone: 1-800-567-KRAFT (5723) Mail: Kraft Foods Global, Inc.Global Consumer Relations1 Kraft CourtGlenview, IL 60025

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The next day, someone named “Amanda” left a voicemail on my cell phone, asking me to call. Verbal discussions in these instances are NO fun, and harder to tell the story later.

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Note from Katherine, Kraft Consumer Representative, on 6/12/2009

Dear Jerry,

I’m sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience with our products. I understand how you must feel and I appreciate you notifying us of the situation. There’s nothing more important to us than giving you, and every one of our consumers,--high quality products.

After several attempts to reach you by phone, we are writing to let you know that we’re aware of your concerns and addressing them internally.

We appreciate you contacting us. It’s feedback like yours that helps us to continually improve the products that we offer. I have enclosed some reimbursement coupons for your future enjoyment. If you have additional questions, or would like more information, please don’t hesitate to check back with us at 1-800-572-3820.

We hope that your next experience with one of our products is a good one.

Sincerely,

Kathy

Ref: 19264912Y

Enclosure (10 coupons for free Jell-O or pudding)

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