As an air traffic controller, I need to be alert at all times. I drink more than my share of coffee. I have four cups by the time the Horde hits. “Horde” is an industry term for the wave of 9AM commercial flights arriving in our airport. There are a very high number of 7AM flights in our time zone, and they all seem to arrive at the same time on any given weekday.
The vending machine coffee costs 50 cents, and tastes like someone soaked their smelly barf-soaked socks in the filter. One day, I opted to bring in my own coffee pot. As I looked through the isle, I selected Black and Decker. Ever since the Father’s Day I gave my Papa a Black and Decker Shop Vac, I have been pleased. I chose the unit that features a timer. DCM 1400B. The Café Noir, with it’s sleak, sexy curves and tantalizing flip lid. In this way, I could be greeted in the workplace with pipin’ hot coffee, every day.
This was my dream for three solid years, five days a week. I’d enjoy a pot a day. My blood pressure shot through the roof—it was fantastic. Until last Thursday.
Check the flight records. Last Thursday, a 747 and a 727 were cleared to land on the same runway at the same time. If not for the stunt flying talents of Captain Eugene Monastat, we would have had an incident. He quickly aborted landing and pulled back up. He circled around again until my supervisor cleared him to land. My supervisor, who put me on paid leave.
I was dragging that day. I didn’t have any coffee. My Black and Decker Café Noir Coffee Maker called in sick that day. It seems the burner decided to stop working. How could this happen so soon? Was that Elton John Candle in the Wind song really about his Black and Decker Coffee Maker?
I’m sure that somewhere in the box, there was a 90 day or 12 month warranty on parts. I’m sure I looked at it and laughed to myself. “Warranty? Give me a break—this is a Black and Decker. IT will outlive ME!”
My mom uses the same electric waffle iron that her grandmother used back in the Eisenhower administration. It has never failed—those waffles taste as good as they did when my Great Grandfather stared at that “ready” indicator. How, I ask, can we excuse a 3 hour appliance lifespan? To me, that’s disgraceful. I would be ashamed. I would feel a little shame. If Café Noir was a high school student, she flunked 11th Grade Biology and didn’t graduate.
I’d appreciate a written explanation. Your appliance failed me, and far, far too soon.
Thank you,
Jerry
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Date: Thu, 4 Feb 2010 08:12:25 -0500
From: applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com
Subject: Re: Applica Inquiry - Transaction 9653130 (Thread:2096138)
Thank you for contacting Applica Consumer Products, Inc., a subsidiary of Salton, Inc. We value you as a customer and appreciate your patronage.
Unfortunately we are unable to determine the issue with your coffeemaker via email. Your comments have been forwarded to the appropriate department.
If we can be of any further assistance, we ask that you please contact our Consumer Service Department at 1-800-231-9786. Our hours of operation are Monday thru Friday from 8:30am ET to 8:00pm ET. You can also elect to e-mail us at applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com, or you can go to http://www.prodprotect.com and fill out a contact form. A representative will be happy to assist you.
Applica Consumer Service
applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
To: applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com
Subject: RE: Applica Inquiry - Transaction 9653130 (Thread:2096138)
Date: Thu, 4 Feb 2010 23:06:42 -0500
Dear Nameless Customer Service Entity,
I'm assuming that when you forward this to the appropriate department, this becomes a cold case.
Cold as that burner was when it didn't work.
While we're venting, I never liked the pitcher spout. Most pots are designed to pour cleanly from pot to coffee maker and pot to mug. With your dandy pitcher the liquid, be it water or hot coffee, liked to flow down the side of the spout part, all over the place rather than cleanly "off of the spout" into the intended target. There was an art--she was like a wild bronco that I learned to ride over time. A very gradual tip of the coffee pot usually did the trick, but about once a week, I was wiping up coffee.
Please share that with whichever nameless department would want to know about that.
If anyone cares, I have the problematic coffee pot. I'm thinking of throwing it out.
Jerry
----------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 5 Feb 2010 15:33:44 -0500
From: applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com
Subject: Re: Applica Inquiry - Transaction 9653130 (Thread:2096138)
Thank you for contacting Applica Consumer Products, Inc., a subsidiary of Salton, Inc. We value you as a customer and appreciate your patronage.
Unfortunately there is only a 1 year limited warranty on your model.
Our products are built to high industry standards and function as designed. However, we are constantly striving for better quality and ways to improve our products. In this endeavor, our Engineering and Quality Control team are regularly informed of consumer feedback regarding any difficulty encountered during the use of our products.
We have forwarded your comments to our Engineering and Quality Control team.
If we can be of any further assistance, we ask that you please contact our Consumer Service Department at 1-800-231-9786. Our hours of operation are Monday thru Friday from 8:30am ET to 8:00pm ET. You can also elect to e-mail us at applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com, or you can go to http://www.prodprotect.com and fill out a contact form. A representative will be happy to assist you.
Applica Consumer Service
applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com
-----------------------------------------------------------
To: applicaconsumeraffairs@fox-international.com
Subject: RE: Applica Inquiry - Transaction 9653130 (Thread:2096138)
Date: Fri, 5 Feb 2010 23:24:28 -0500
Dear Nameless Customer Service Entity,
I figured that at some point, you'd hide behind that piece of paper. I suppose I'm a sucker for not opening the box before I purchased the Cafe Noir to understand its warranty. Just between you and me, doesn't a one year warranty seem a little flimsy? I assume that duration was determined by some folks with slide rules and data to ensure profitability. So this coffee pot, if as you say, functions as designed, was more or less pre-destined to quit working. In fact, three years is quite a run--wouldn't you say?
People that I know well in the consumer industry are very interested in failed components. There is much to be learned from a part that fails. How was it used? How often? How long? What type of water (soft, hard, etc)? What type of coffee? Was it moved often? These types of answers, in combination with the analysis of the parts, could only result in better understanding of your product, your user, and how to improve. If there were things from past returns and usages, that could have been conveyed to me to improve my coffee maker experienc e (i.e. Folgers Coffee is harsh on a coffee maker.)
But as you said, it functions as designed, so I guess we're all set.
In your generic note, you mentioned forwarding my comments to your engineering and quality control teams. That's fine--hopefully it benefits the next guy, who won't be me.
The coffee maker, and all the information that you can learn from it, are sitting on my curb for garbage pickup. It's the one with "NFG" spraypainted on it.
Thanks,
Jerry
---------------------------------------
I'm not really impressed with Black and Decker.
From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com/
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Wow do they suck.
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