Post #47 - Armitron Reconfigures Their Buttons - 9/4/2009

This letter was written for a friend and 20-year Armitron customer who complained about the fact that Armitron moved the buttons around on their new watches. The Armitron website offers no email address or mailing address--only an 800 number. Further research revealed that the CEO has his own website, and his company (I think) owns Armitron. There was a link for email on that site...

Dear Mr. Gluck,

I’ve been buying Armitron watches since Teflon Ron was in office. I’m able to set my alarm without even looking. I’m in the armed forces, and manage a supply warehouse—incoming and outgoing deliveries. This business is all about being on time. Until recently, I could set my alarm without looking. My watch was an extension of me.

I once navigated my way out of a cave with the tiny light on my watch. The other cave people saw me “blinking” and helped me the rest of the way. The alarm has never failed me, keeping me punctual for appointments, meetings, shipments and delivery. Peers affectionately call me “Armitron Boy”.

What gives you the right? Some “suit” who doesn’t even wear watches, and drinks $8 lattes, decided to move my buttons around. Were people complaining about the optimal positioning of the buttons? Were people unable to set their alarms, or illuminate? Were people constantly late? Was the world a pitch black place?

I was late for a meeting because when I was settling my alarm, I was actually blinking my light. Furthermore, I was in a forward area, and my blinking Armitron was mis-interpreted as Morse code. Your watch triggered an air-raid. I was placed on potato detail for 30 days, and my weekend passes were revoked.

This stinks. Why don’t you do the following:

1) take that suit outside at lunchtime.
2) soak a Nerf Football in a nearby puddle.
3) throw it at him repeatedly, until he has to go home and change his shorts

Then…change the buttons back to the way they always were, when people were on time, and I wasn’t scrubbing all these potatoes. Can you send me a written explanation?

Sincerely,

Jerry

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