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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Post #46 - Dr. Laura and Her Nudie Pics - 9/11/2009

Sorry if you love her. She irritates me. She gives out some good advice, but most of it is common sense. And she often cuts people off when they are atill explaining their situation.

Dear Doctor Laura,

You are my moral compass. Each and every day, I tune in to hear you “zap” your listeners. They’ll say something like “it hurts when I stick my hand in the garbage disposal. What should I do?” You’ll say “stop putting your hand in the garbage disposal.” Priceless. Genius.

I ran into a little predicament on Tuesday. I was on the interwebs Googling Dr. Laura because I wanted to contact you regarding a standoff between my Stepmom and my wife that stemmed from a grape jelly stain on my daughter’s First Communion dress. When I googled Dr. Laura, I accidentally clicked “images” and…Oh My Sweet Lord.”

My five-year-old walked by the computer at that moment and saw something that neither of us was expecting to see. He started screaming. He saw a full frontal nude photo of you. It looked to be from the 1970’s. That night, little Nathan woke up screaming.

Here’s my concern. On my son’s wedding night, is he going to have a terrible flashback and run screaming from his new wife and their hotel room? Is he going to have a subliminal fear of commitment or intimacy because he saw something that haunts his dreams?

Why are there naked pictures of you on the interwebs? How do you dole out life-changing advice when there are twelve-year-old kids at libraries staring at your hoo-hah on the internet?

Sometimes you should listen when someone has more to the story. Sometimes, they’ll start laying out the situation, and before they can get it all out, you dole out hasty, blunt, life-changing advice. Sometimes they’ll start saying “yeah but..” and you’ll cut them off and start spewing life-altering advice. What if that “yeah but…” that you cut off is “he’s a raging alcoholic” or “she’s terminally ill”. Would those types of things change your advice?

Maybe your screener gives you all the facts ahead, so you know the whole picture, ahead of time. If so, that’s fine. But let’s say I’m in the same boat as Paul from Albuquerque, and I blindly take your advice? Now you’ve screwed up my life by not telling me everything.

I guess I could have used a little warning. Please have all the photos taken down.


I sent a follow-up on 9/21/2009:

Dear Doctor Laura,

It’s been over a week. You never responded. Are you pretending my letter doesn’t exist?

Hey look—if you want to shoot nudie pictures and put them up there on the web for the kids, that’s your thing. But it really makes it hard for me to take your advice seriously.

I keep thinking “what would she tell some dude who was calling about his girlfriend who, in a previous relationship, had the photos taken, and they were up there in cyberspace. Would she stand a chance with you? Maybe. But maybe it depends on what you had for lunch that day.

For the Love of God, take the pictures down.




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