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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Post # 123 - Orville Redenbacher Peed in My Microwave - 3/4/2010

My friend, Intense Auburn had a problem with her popcorn.  She presented me with the details, and the photos.  Below is the result.

Dear Mr. Redenbacher,

Tuesday is my long day. At the end of a long Tuesday, I like to unwind with a nice film. Often it’s a recommendation, but it’s always a classic. I always pop and enjoy Orville Redenbacher Gourmet Microwave Popcorn. Sight and Sound meet up with Smell, Feel and Taste. Sometimes I invite my girlfriend Tula, which means necking afterwards.

My last six Tuesday classics included:

1) The Ten Commandments

2) Casablanca

3) Godfather Part II

4) Spartacus

5) Miracle

6) Hoosiers.
All of these were classics. Last night was to be no different—one of my friends recommended this Weekend At Bernies Part II film. I unwrapped my popcorn packet and popped according to your directions, as I always do. I find that the popcorn angels reward us for following directions, with perfectly popped, flavorful popcorn. Perfectly popped popcorn doesn’t stink up a house.

When the time came to retrieve, I encountered a problem. I encountered a big problem. When I lifted the bag, it peed buttery topping all over the microwave and counter. There was a big hole in the bag.

Why do the Popcorn Angels choose to mess up my kitchen and ruin my movie? I did the legwork here. I bought the most expensive microwave that the sales lady said would pop the best popcorn. I paid extra to get the one with the revolving bottom. I paid extra for Orville’s corn because we all know it’s the best. I put it in right side up and everything. I stopped it when the popping noises stopped. Yet the Popcorn Angels ruined a great movie.

After I laboriously cleaned up the goop, I had lost my appetite. My bad experience seemed to taint my movie. For whatever reason, I’ll never be able to think of Weekend at Bernies II in the same light as The Ten Commandments or Godfather Part II. And I blame Orville.

What would cause this? Faulty bag paper? Faulty oil? Misproportioned oil-to-corn? Corn bugs?

Can you please tell me? I’m afraid I need a written explanation. Tuesday movies and my relationship with Tula are on hold (I yelled at her and tried blaming her when it happened).



PS I have photos if you need them.

Subject: Re: Consumer Affairs Email Response 052830198B
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:30:18 -0600
March 10, 2010

Dear Jerry

Thank you for your email concerning our Orville Redenbacher's® Butter Microwave Popcorn.

We sincerely apologize for your experience. We stand by the quality of our products, and want you to know that this matter has been taken seriously.

We will also be sending you a coupon via regular mail that is valid for nine months. Please allow 1-2 weeks for receipt.

Thanks again for your feedback. We're listening!



Consumer Affairs
Ref: 052830198B

My response, 3/11/2010

Dear Orville,

I appreciate the coupon. It's a nice gesture.

I get the feeling you're sweeping this under the rug. Don't you have a staff of scientists with lab coats and safety glasses and clip boards? Don't they run “Pop-ability” tests with a diverse population of microwaves and simulated altitude settings?

I was hoping for a coupon AND an explanation, as opposed to just a coupon.

I have an idea for you: under-hood popcorn. Follow along: 1) Leaving work, I throw a foil "puck" under the hood of my vehicle. 2) As I drive, the kernals heat up, and pop up nicely. 3) When I get home, I pop the hood and enjoy my snack. Just an idea.



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