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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Post # 92 - My Plea for Employment To Mr. Karmanos - 3/23/2010

A friend of mine suggested I write to Peter Karmanos, asking for a job.  Thanks James!

Kwame Kilpatrick is the former Mayor of Detroit.  He was essentially paid $240,000 five wealthy Detroit businessmen, (including Peter Karmanos) to leave the state.  Peter Karmanos, owner of Compuware, the Carolina Hurricanes NHL franchise, and two minor league hockey franchises, then hired  Kwame in Dallas.  Kwame was hired for a sales position in Dallas.  Between all of his court dates in Michigan, it's hard to imagine Kwame getting much done.  The hope was, with a steady gig, he'd repay the city a fraction of the debt that he caused.  Not so fast.

For me, these gestures by Karmanos prompted two questions: 
1) What photos does Kwame have of Peter and the other five families? 
2) How low is the bar at Compuware.  By just being average, I'd probably wow him.

Normally I wait for a response before posting these.  I decided to pull this one ahead because:
1) It's topical.  The judge is making Peter testify about his relationship with Kwame.  Kwame's having probation hearings.

2) I'm pretty sure I won't be hearing back (if I do, I'll post an update).

3) I really like the picture.
Dear Mr. Karmanos,

I would like to apply for a sales job. Like other past applicants who have applied, I have no sales experience. That is, unless you count my ten year paperboy career.

However, unlike past candidates that you have hired, I have never spent over $200k of public funds to lease a Navigator, enjoy spa massages, extravagant dining, and expensive wines. Never hosted a party where my strippers got in a fight with my wife, and one was later shot in the head.  Never fired police officers for sniffing around a little. Never been cause for an $8.4 million settlement by my city, for my sexy text messages. Never been indicted.  Never been charged with assaulting a police officer. Never repeatedly committed slander. Never funneled state grant money to the Missus. Never hired family members and given them huge raises.

I know one guy you hired and relocated to Dallas. You paid him at least $100K, and as much as $360K. In fact, I think you and others actually paid him to leave the local area. From what I’m hearing, if I turn one sale, we’re ahead.

Look. I’m not as interesting. I’ve never offered to buy beer for a million Red Wing fans. I don’t have a posse of high school buddies that travel with me everywhere. My mom doesn’t wire me five figure cash ftransfers, or fly me on a private jet. I pay off my pesky debts. I don’t have any awesome prison stories.

Yet at the same time, I don’t get subpoenaed to fly across the country. In an average year, I probably miss two days due to illness. Maybe one personal day every two years for a funeral, or to take a kid to an emergency room.

I just want to throw it out there. The existing standards seem attainable by someone like me. Someone who works hard. Someone more like you.




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