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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Post # 83 - Senator Shelby and the Rising Cost of a Bee-Emmm - 2/4/2009

Last week, I guest blogged on   The topic was a letter to Senator Shelby of Alabama regarding the Toyota mess.  In that letter, I referred to a previous love note that I wrote.

By the way, my other letter can be read HERE

Hockey Dino's Facebook Page is HERE
A lot of people know, Senator Shelby from Alabama is one of my favorite people. He's one of the clowns that grandstanded in front of the CEO's to protect his own interests. If you like him or agree with him, I'm sorry. When something bad happens to me, I blame him.

If I burn the roof of my mouth on a chicken pot pie, it's Senator Shelby's fault.
If I lose my car keys, it's Richard's fault.
Burnt popcorn in the microwave? Blame Richard.

Here's my little letter. I sent it back in February 2009. I doubt he even read it. But it felt good.

Dear Senator Shelby,

As an employee of the Big Three, I wanted to thank you for the scrutiny back a few months ago. Yes, some people thought it was “kicking a guy when he’s down,” and “geez—it’s a loan. Not like the $750 bank handout, squandered on parties and stadium naming rights." But those people only have the perspective of an outsider. They don’t see it through the eyes of YOU--one of our very important leaders. You certainly made us think: how can we be more productive. How can we do more with less?

On a personal note, your big production with the CEO’s scared a lot of my coworkers and colleagues into taking early retirement. So there’s a lot more ground to cover at work, which is fine by me. Again—I was already on this “More With Less” kick before you started on us. But again, your wisdom helped people redirect their paths. Nice work.

Let’s be honest—there’s only so much time in the day. I’m sure you’re like me—talking via Bluetooth to clients and colleagues during the commutes to and from work, watching the news while you run a hundred miles on the treadmill, thinking of ways to solve problems while you lie awake in bed.

Some of the changes I’ve made as part of my “More with Less” campaign: I quietly recite my Pledge of Allegiance every morning while I’m tooth brushing. I used to do these separately. I travel to and from work before and after rush hour to minimize time in the car. I buy only 12 things so I don’t have to wait in line at the checkout. I’ve switched to an all liquid diet to eliminate the 10 minutes a day I was squandering in the potty.

Senator Shelby—it could be argued that your wisdom, power, and terrific speaking skills are also a curse. As important as I am, someone representing the people, being paid all those tax dollars with far more frequent increases than I get, is that much more important. Every spare minute of your day is a moment that could be spent helping someone. Really, the only place you can’t get anything done, is in the lavatory.

Let’s face it, you can’t pass a bill in “there” doing “that”. Have you calculated how much your time in the can costs the average tax payer? A politician can’t make a former major leaguer squirm over steroid and perjury allegations while they are “punching a grumpy.”

Think it over next time you have a moment. It’s a simple plan: Carnation Instant Breakfast, V8 for lunch, Protein Drink for dinner, sometimes, a tasty Frosty from Wendy’s as a treat (you could have an intern get this for you). It works. I’ve lost 53 lbs. I feel great (you already look great as it is, by the way). I save trees (less toilet paper), water (less flushes), and I never need to worry about my stance in the Minneapolis Airport, if you know what I mean.

I would appreciate your thoughts. Will you consider this liquid diet proposal? Don’t you sort of owe it to the people? Do you have tips for how I can be more productive? By the way, I’m typing this on my treadmill.


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