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Showing posts with label dove. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dove. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Post # 121 - Give the Peanut-Allergic Kids Their Plain M&M's - 3/8/2010

I have a soft spot in my heart for people with allergies.  I think companies need to do more for people.  Take some of the money that you'll use to develop my Coffee Bean M&M idea, and make plain M&M's accessible to peanut allergy sufferers.
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Dear M&M Mars,


Okay we get it. You can make M&M’s in any color we can think of, and with any text we want. You have giant M&M’s. Gourmet M&M’s. But not one, are you willing to deem peanut-free.

You have a disclaimer on the back of the Plain M&M wrapper that basically makes it impossible for a kid to eat Plain M&M’s. “May Contain Peanuts”.

Peanut allergies are the most common allergy among children. They affect at least 3 million people in the United States. The effects can be deadly, and peanut exposure cannot be taken lightly. Concerned parents become vigilant label-readers, in the name of love. While I appreciate you protecting people, as a lead-in to a bigger question.

How many kids never get to taste a delicious peanut butter patty or peanut butter pie, or peanut brittle, or Peanut M&M’s? Or for that matter, Plain M&M’s.

Why don’t you make all of your peanut-free products in a peanut-free facility on peanut free equipment and with peanut-free supplies? Build a second factory on the empty lot next to your first factory, and make it completely peanut free. You can make everything from Dove Chocolates to Milky Ways to Caramel Twix here. People who have been in Peanut Factory A would not be allowed in Peanut-Free Factory B. Supplies to Factory B would come from a Peanut-Free supply chain. The critics would applaud you. Parents and kids would hug you.

Leverage your supply chain, and all of your workers to take the Peanut Oath:


I solemnly swear to steer completely clear of peanuts, in mind, body, and spirit.

I do so with the health and safety of the almighty customer in mind.

I shall remain peanut-free, like the products that I make.

It seems like the only thing standing in the way would be a little cash. But aren’t three million loyal customers worth it?

Give the Peanut Allergy kids a taste. That’s all I’m asking. A worry-free, Plain M&M taste.

Sincerely,

Jerry
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From: do-not-reply@masterfoodsusa.com


Subject: M&M'S MILK CHOCOLATE CANDIES.

Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:18:13 -0500



Dear Mr. Herman,



In response to your email regarding M&M'S MILK CHOCOLATE CANDIES.



Thank you for your email.



Our Marketing Staff is continually working on new ideas. Although we cannot say what they are, we hope you will continue to watch and enjoy!



Have a great day!



Your Friends at Mars Chocolate North America



MM/cl011175969A



Please do NOT reply to this email. If you would like to respond to this message, click on the link below.



http://www.econsumeraffairs.com/mars/ContactUsFollowUp.htm?F1=011175969A&F2=ZZ
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Dear Good Fudge Folk,

Thanks for dangling your marketing secrets in front of me, and then hiding it. From the tone of your note, it sounds like you’re admitting that there’s a problem there (the peanut disclaimer on non-peanut candy).

So aside from marketing some new and fancy M & M to coincide with whatever hot movie is coming out this summer (Toy Story 3?), it’d be nice if you just give the peanut-free kids a taste.

Thanks,

Jerry

PS-I’m working on some stuff too, that I can’t tell YOU about. FYI.
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Monday, January 11, 2010

Post # 68 - Dove Chocolate Inspirational Messages - 1/3/2010

Dear Dove,

Your chocolates have warm and fuzzy little notes in the wrappers. I sometimes find myself feeling as though I’m on the receiving end of some cosmic life-changing message. Then, I realize it’s just a frigging piece of candy, and you have no idea whether I’m Sara Jessica Parker or Al Roker. Then, I started thinking.

I’m sure a lot of people take your messages seriously. Why not make the world a better place? Why not give people the nudge that they need to move forward in life? Messages like:
-Quit being such a pompous jerk.

-That 1980’s-style Magnum PI mustache really isn’t working for you.

-If you think she’s that into you, tell her you’re broke.

-You might think about going back to school—taxidermy isn’t a real science.

-You have a lot of great qualities. Accountability just isn’t one of them.

-You may play keyboards for Bon Jovi, but you look like a poodle.

-Leave her.


-You named your last child after a flavor of Two-Buck-Chuck. It’s time for that vasectomy.

-Sitting in my dad’s La-Z-Boy, reading a Harlequin Romance, eating all of our cookies, does not constitute babysitting.
The other idea I had: around St. Patti’s Day, maybe throw in a naughty limerick or two. For heaven’s sake, keep us guessing!

Sincerely,

Jerry
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From: do-not-reply@masterfoodsusa.com
Subject: DOVE CHOCOLATE.
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 17:25:17 -0500

Dear Jerry,

In response to your email regarding DOVE CHOCOLATE.

Thank you for your email.

It was thoughtful of you to offer your creative ideas. Unfortunately, it is our policy not to accept unsolicited ideas. At Mars Chocolate NA, we rely on our extensive Research and Development staff to design, develop and refine product concepts. Sometimes research and development can take years before a finished product can be marketed. To avoid confusion of ownership, we must refuse the thousands of suggestions we receive every year, many the same as yours. Although we appreciate your interest, we hope you will understand our business position.

Have a great day!

Your Friends at Mars Chocolate NA
MM/HERNLIND011123969A

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My response on 1/6/2010:

Dear Mars Chocolate Folk,

Yes, I understand your business position. You don’t want any confusion if some braniac golden boy over there decides to incorporate a Bon Jovi-specific message on a chocolate wrapper.

Or…..
Maybe you’ve been thinking all along about incorporating Bon Jovi’s music or likeness to your Chocolates. Nice.


Keep up the good work. Keep proofing the messages though—I thought I found a typo on one. Do you people use a spell checker?

Thanks,

Jerry
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