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Friday, May 11, 2012

Post# 257 - Arby's is NOT Good Mood Food

I sent this to Arby's on 8/27/2011:

Dear Arby's,

I don't normally frequent the fast food places.  Heck--last time I stepped foot in a Burger King, President Carter was giving a speech about hostages in Iran.

Back on the 4th of July, I was feeling downright patriotic.  What better way to celebrate my independence than to order a Jamoca Shake and some Curly Fries, and light a special patriotic floating lantern.

My son is off in Afghanistan.  My daughter was away for her summer semester in Kentucky.  My wife decided to go to her Zumba class.  Happy 4th for me.  So it's me, my lawn chair, my floating lantern, my Arby's, and a lighter.

I light the floating lantern, and it takes flight.  It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, flying so effortlessly.  For a moment, I was floating above all of my problems, right along with that lantern.  That is, until it descended onto a gas pump at the station behind my house.  LOUD EXPLOSION.  A Volkswagen Bug, next to the pump, is thrust airborne and lands on (through?) my roof.   The car, engulfed in flames, proceeded to cause my home to go up in flames.  I called the fire department and ran around to the gas station to see if anyone needed help.   Luckily, the car owner had gone inside for a pack of smokes and some cashews.  Nobody was hurt.

As the fire fighters extinguished my home and water-damaged my baseball card collection, art, and safe full of savings bonds, there was nothing I could do.  The police came and issued a ticket because I violtated some airborn pyrotechnic safety regulation.  The Volkswagen owner found me and started talking lawyers and lawsuits.  To top it all off, she's a PETA rep and planning to report me because of the nest of baby sparrows in the gutter on my house, now encased in flames.

With nothing else I could do, I sat down and ate my fries and drank my milk shake.  As I sat there eating Arby's and computing in my head the hundreds of thousands of dollars that my precious floating lantern had cost me, I decided that Arby's is definitely NOT good mood food.

I guess my point is, not everyone can just jump into a good mood because of some horsey sauce or an apple turnover.  Your commercial suggests otherwise.  So there's that.


Subject: Arby's Feedback #444443
Date: Saturday, August 27, 2011, 12:40 PM

Dear Arby's Guest,

We have received your Guest Feedback message and are directing it to the appropriate department. For follow-up purposes, your feedback tracking number is 444443.

Your feedback helps us improve the overall guest experience at our restaurants. Thank you for taking the time to contact us.

Arby's Guest Feedback Team
My follow-up, sent 9/13/2011:

Dear Arby's,

It's been over two weeks now.  No response.  Good Mood Food, Huh? 

Maybe I'm the 444443rd person in line.  I'll wait, I guess.

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