the herman letters: Post # 105 - Stiga and The Twelve Apostle Table Hockey Set

I grew up with Table Hockey, and I love it. Late spring is the season for hockey (NHL Playoffs) and kids making their First Communion. I thought, what better than to try and combine the two.
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Dear Stiga,

I grew up with one of your Table Hockey sets. I loved it more than life itself. We’d play for hours at a time. Then, one day, my Grandma’s 19 year-old boyfriend accidentally backed over it when we were cleaning out the garage.

Fast forward 20 years. My son’s First Communion is rapidly approaching. I’m getting the itch. You know—the table hockey itch. I’d love to get him a “Stanley Cup” table hockey for his First Communion. However, the Missus has a rule in place—no non-religious gifts allowed!

I think I found a loop hole:

-There are twelve hockey players on a table hockey set.
-There are twelve disciples.

Why couldn’t Stiga create a Twelve Disciples Table Hockey Set? Stick John and Simon Peter on opposite teams to keep it fair. This version would qualify both as a religious item, and a keepsake that my son and I and his uncle could play for hours and hours.

How much would it cost? How quickly could it be done. Do you need a copy of the painting as a reference? Please advise.

Sincerely,

Jerry

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From: per.andersson@stigasports.se
Subject: SV: Table Hockey
Date: Tue, 20 Apr 2010 08:29:10 +0200

Dear Jerry,

Thank you for your email. Nice to hear you like our products.

We have no plans of making a Twelve Disciples Table Hockey Set.

However, you can buy 2 Team pack “Paint your own” Part no 7111-9090-99 and paint the players in the way you want them.

Regards

Per Andersson
STIGA Sports AB
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My response, sent 4/12/2010:

Dear Per,

You responded quickly--maybe a little too quickly. I’m sure at some point, 3M didn’t plan on making sticky notes, but that seemed to work out pretty well for everybody.

Look, you just rejected my idea without doing the legwork. In the US alone, there are 3 million eight year-olds. 720,000 of those kids are Catholic. Most of those kids have dads, and all of those dads love table hockey. You could seize control of the First Communion gift market. Somewhere around 500,000 Twelve Apostle Table Hockey sets per year, offseason. Open your mind a little.

Heck—sell the apostles as an upgrade. That way, once the smoke clears, dad can do the old “switcheroo”. Leafs and Wings in place of Simon Peter, Andrew, James the Greater, James the Lesser, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, Thaddeus, Simon, and Judas Iscariot.

Look—you’re suggesting that I paint my own. My painting sucks. Plus, look at the painting—some of them had oddly shapen heads, haircuts and facial hair. We need these to be sculpted.