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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Post # 164 - Heinz: Take a Mulligan on One of the Fifty Seven Varieties 6/21/2010

Dear Heinz,

We were raised to believe in four basic principles:
1) The importance of God.
2) The importance of Family.
3) The importance of Education.
4) Heinz has 57 varieties.

I’m sure that number has increased over the years, and it’s probably too difficult to run around changing all of the signage. In your defense, I think you have bigger fish to fry. I do, however, think that a change is in order.

While strolling through the imported foods section of my local grocer, I happened upon Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding. I realize it’s a British delicacy, and that they’re a society held together by odd puddings. My first reaction wasn’t “that might be quite tasty.”  It was “How many of these am I buying to hand out as gag gifts to my brothers and male friends on Christmas.

I believe if you wanted to, you could change the name to something more PC. However, I think that Heinz makes a very nice profit off of the gag gift sector of our society. Tell me I’m wrong about that.

It’s funny, and in England, culturally relevant. They’re a little out of touch—they still call erasers “rubbers.”  In the rest of the world, it’s offensive and quite shocking when you see it in the store. Kids walk by and giggle. There’s a giant “you are what you eat” joke there.

GM has rid itself of Oldsmobile. Chrysler has rid itself of Plymouth. Ford is seriously considering ridding itself of Mercury. I think, as a symbol of censorship, Heinz should start a new campaign. 56 Varieties, We’ve Rid Ourselves of the Spotted Dick.

What do you think?


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  1. I have a friend that makes homemade spotted dick to take to every potluck he's invited to. Just so he can say "have some of my spotted dick" and, "have you seen my spotted dick?" Yeah.

  2. Now if i were him i would tell everyone it was pudding until they have finished it. Then ask them "did you liked my spotted dick" or "Did you see X eating my spotted dick"... Yeah I am probably going to hell for that :)