I sent this on 5/4/2010.
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Dear Miller Brewing,
I realize that by mentioning your new Vortex bottle, you can proclaim partial success with the marketing. However, don’t get too excited. I take issue with your new Miller Lite Vortex bottle.
If we believe the publicity hype, the goal is to “create buzz and excitement and give consumers another reason to choose Miller.” What the hell does that actually mean?
I’m not going to dig into the sciences of fluid mechanics—I leave that to the team that created the wide mouth cans and bottles. Here’s what I know: the secret to winning a beer chugging contest is spinning the bottle. By spinning the beer for your consumer, you’re helping them chug faster.
I’m sure you’re going to vehemently deny that you intend to make people drink faster (and more) of your beverages. I’m sure you’re going to hide behind the “create buzz and excitement” line of thinking. If you’re basically saying that your consumer base needs a gimmick to buy more of your beer, aren’t you insulting their intelligence?
Back to the “drink faster” theory. If I drink faster because the bottle helps me, then I suppose you’ve done your job. You’ve created a buzz.
Nice job. Don’t forget to keep throwing the “chug responsibly” disclaimer in there at the end.
Sincerely,
Jerry
PS – I laughed at this statement on your website FAQ:
IS BEER FATTENING?
Take heart... Beer has no fat and no cholesterol. Most beers have about 13 calories per ounce, compared, for example, to champagne with 25 and chablis with 22. Take a look at the nutritional information for each of our brands.
Way to dodge that one.
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