the herman letters: Post #63 - War on Spam - Sus, Rafael, and Menzies-In-A-Frenzy 9/19/2009

Subject: Confirmation Letter From The Lottery Board?

Date: Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:16:05 -0400

From: Susan

Dear e-MAIL Winner,

Your email address won £850,000.00 GBP in this month NATIONAL LOTTERY E-mail online drew.
To file for your claim, contact our agent Mr. Rafael M. with the details below(Full Names, Contact Address, Country, Age, Sex, Occupation &
Telephone numbers) to this Email: uknl.claimsdept0400@hotmail.com

Phone Number: Tel: +44 703 595 6312

Please do reply to this mail Email:uknl.claimsdept0400@hotmail.com
Yours Sincerely,
Susan
(Web-Email Information Manager)
----------------------------------------------------------

My note to Rafael. I also cc’ed Susan. Sent 9/20/2009.

Dear Mr. Rafael Marshall,

Sus told me to contact you. She said (nudge nudge, wink wink) my name was drawn in this month's NATIONAL LOTTERY. The truth is, and she probably told you some of this, but we go back quite a ways.

We first crossed paths in finishing school. My best friend, Parker, had asked her to the ball. I was there with my best girl, Pam. Well, during Forever Young (by Alphaville, not that old wanker Rod), our eyes met. Pam and Parker were off in the school parking lot necking and drinking the Boone's Farm. We danced until our chaperones told us it was time to go.

It seems that night, between slow dances, we talked all about our dreams. I yearned to go pursue a chemical engineering degree and develop new preservatives for companies like Hostess. Sus dreamed of becoming a Web-Email Information Manager. It seemed far-out because the web and email were so new and unfamiliar. But as Sting taught us, if you love someone, set them free.

Then one night, several years later, I was at my friend's bachelor party in his apartment complex rec room. There was a big cake. Guess who popped out of there? You guessed it--Sus. She did a sensual dance and managed to get frosting all over the place--she really wasn't too good of a stripper. She was arrested later that night for prostitution and drug use. I bailed her out, and placed her in rehab. Since she also lost her license, I drove her to her meetings each and every day at 4:30 PM. During all of these trips, we fell in love.

Then Sus had an awakening. She was tired of her job as Web-Email Information Manager, and she liked talking like an overzealous manager at Arthur Treachers (Ahoy Matey—try our new combos! Arrrgh!). She left me too pursue her dream of becoming a pirate. I really hate that Sting song.

Several years later, I was on a Caribbean cruise. Guess who boarded our boat, in full pirate garb, eye patch, hook, and all? Sus. The security people took her right down--she really was a pathetic pirate. She was so bad; in fact, the security people believed me when I told them she thought there was a costume party. All charges were dropped. We fell in love again. She re-applied for her old Web-Email Information Manager position. She promised that one day, she would repay me for saving her, and also for all of the drugging and whoring. Well, this “NATIONAL LOTTERY" drawing is her elaborate way of thanking me.

Here is my information:
Full Names: Rancington VanMullenicks
Contact Address: 86 Bagel Cream Cheese Drive, Philadelphia, PA 19131
Country: USA

Age: 31

Sex: Male
Occupation: Food Additive Engineer
Telephone Numbers: Sus barfed on my phone when she was de-toxing. I never replaced it, out of support and devotion to her.

Sincerely,

Rancington

P.S.--Sus--I just want to thank you. Also, I’m still unattached if you are currently drug and disease-free.

--------------------------------------

From: uknl.claimsdept04@hotmail.com
Subject: PRIZE CLAIMS PROCEDURE

Date: Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:53:18 +0100

The National Lottery,

35 Tottenham Court
Road London.
WD112T.
United Kingdom

PRIZE CLAIMS PROCEDURE

Dear Rancington VanMullenicks,

Your identification have been received in this office. Due to Government Policies of our Country (UK),all legal procedures should be observed. This means that you have been officially cleared for payment by the Verifications Department at the headquarters of the National Lottery. Your Fund, original copy of your winning certificate, together with a covering document (Money Laundering protection and Letter of Affidavit for Claims) from the UK government stating that the money was obtained legally through their National Lottery promotion.

You are to come down to London for handover of your winning.Alternatively,If you cannot make it down you are to contact the lottery office Attorney, Barrister Menzies Haggerty, He will be in position to hand over your winnings to you with all the necessary documents since you cannot be present here in person. He has been the lottery office Attorney for over twelve years and his integrity have been held as one of the most reliable Attorney in the United Kingdom, therefore feel free to relate things with him.

You can contact him in his chambers with the email address and details below :
The Law Offices of Barrister Menzies Haggerty Chambers
28 Blackheath Road

Greenwich

London

SE10 8DA

Telephone: +44 798 042 9230
+44 703 598 0958
Fax: On Request

DX: 12408 Northampton

Email:enquiries@menzieshaggerty.com

When contacting the lottery office Attorney you are to inform him if you want your winning amount to be sent to you by courier Delivery Company or bank to bank transfer.

He will attend to you and get your verification process finalized soonest.

Once again congratulations.

Have a nice day as you contact the lottery Office legal Counsel.

--------------------------------------------------------
My note to Menzie, cc’ed Rafael and Susan 9/22/09
From: uknl.claimsdept04@hotmail.com
Subject: PRIZE CLAIMS PROCEDURE

Date: Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:53:18 +0100

The National Lottery,
35 Tottenham Court
Road London.
WD112T.

United Kingdom

PRIZE CLAIMS PROCEDURE

Dear Rancington VanMullenicks,

Your identification have been received in this office.

Due to Government Policies of our Country (UK),all legal procedures should be observed.

This means that you have been officially cleared for payment by the Verifications Department at the headquarters of the National Lottery. Your Fund, original copy of your winning certificate, together with a covering document (Money Laundering protection and Letter of Affidavit for Claims) from the UK government stating that the money was obtained legally through their National Lottery promotion.

You can contact him in his chambers with the email address and details below :
The Law Offices of Barrister Menzies Haggerty Chambers
28 Blackheath Road

Greenwich

London
SE10 8DA
Telephone: +44 798 042 9230
+44 703 598 0958
Fax: On Request
DX: 12408 Northampton

Email:enquiries@menzieshaggerty.com

When contacting the lottery office Attorney you are to inform him if you want your winning amount to be sent to you by courier Delivery Company or bank to bank transfer.

He will attend to you and get your verification process finalized soonest.

Once again congratulations.

Have a nice day as you contact the lottery Office legal Counsel.

Mr. Rafael M.
----------------------
My 9/22/2009 reply to Menzies, Sus, and Rafael

Hey Barrister Menzies,

What's shakin', big fella? I can either fly my company jet over there, or we can pay a middle man, a courier, if you will, to deliver my winnings to Susie and I.

Susie makes my heart sing. She has that innocent smile that makes you forget all of the drugs and whoring from her past. I'm planning on stopping by her pad to make sure she's still on the straight and narrow. We both know that's a fifty fifty proposition. And that proposition is a bad choice of words.

How are Rafael's bunions? Did he try out the lotion that I sent him? He's new to folk dancing. New dancing shoes on the first day? Come on Raf!

Let me know the next steps. Let's get this baby done.

Thanks,

Rancington
----------------------------------------------
From: enquiries@menzieshaggerty.com
Subject: LEGAL REPRESENTATION
Date: Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:37:27 +0100

MENZIES HAGGERTY CHAMBERS (UK)
(Attorney-at-Law and Solicitors)
Menzies Haggerty Chambers
Suite 3,80A Blackheath Road
Greenwich
London
E10 8DA
Telephone: +44 703 598 0958
Fax: On Request
Email:enquiries@menzieshaggerty.com
Website:http://menzieshaggerty.com/home
LEGAL REPRESENTATION

Attention:Winner,

Congratulations on your winnings. Your name was forwarded to my chambers Some days back as a winner of The National Lottery but because i was in court at the early hours of the day, I could not contact you. As usual, Your winning claims process have to be finalised and handed over to you by me who is the legal counsel to the lottery Office. This is as a result of the sensitivity involved on such amount of money been handed over.

Firstly, I am Mr. Menzies Haggerty. A legal practitioner for over thirty years and as a matter of Fact, The National Lottery have been working hand in hand with me and other colleague in my chambers for over twelve years. I have my Good name all over the globe and a lot of letters that have been sent by Past winners of The National Lottery to my chambers appreciating me and my co-workers for the Good work. If you reside within the United Kingdom. I will appreciate you coming to my chambers for proper verification process Registration. But nevertheless, If you are outside the United Kingdom.

You should write a letter and send it through email stating that you are a true winner of The National Lottery, and as a matter of Fact, You have handed over your verification process to be completed by Menzies Haggerty.

Your Full Name:
Age:
Profession/Occupation:
Your Present address;
Your Telephone number (not voice mail or answering machine):
Amount Won:
Lottery Agent Name:
Your winnings E-mail address:

These should be included in this letter before sending it via email. You should note that this Letter shall be scanned here in my Chamber and would be properly documented for future references. After this is completed, your winnings document shall be obtained from the Lottery Office, Local Tax Office, Affiliated Insurance Company and all other Government prostates involved in the United Kingdom. This will be completed within one working day, and copies of the document shall be scanned and forwarded to you for perusal before embarking on the delivery of these document/transferring the sum amount into your bank account. After all this is completed, Your winning funds will be deposited in your bank account where you can access it after Five working days.

In this regard you are to choose from the options below, the one that best suites you on how you wish to receive your winning prize:

1. The said amount in cash credited will be wired to your bank account via bank transfer.

Condition: The cost of (ACCOUNT ACTIVATION‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏) being charged by our transferring bank, will be paid by you.

Note that your prize is protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible to deduct any amount from the money before it has been remitted to you. This means that the above charges cannot be deducted from the prize and hence must be provided by you before your prize is transferred to you.

2. Have our affiliate diplomatic carrier company agent deliver your winning certificate and cheque to you in your country personally.

In consonance with our policy in this regard, be advised that if you option for the cheque to be couriered, you shall bear all liability related to this service. That is cost of this service would be borne by you; this is a pre-requisite for this option.

Finally, You should note that your winnings is already covered by an insurance certificate which makes it impossible for any other party except you, to withdraw any amount of money from the winnings. Money can only be withdrawn from this winnings when you confirm the winning money in your bank account and also when you are in the possessions of all your winnings documents.

I will appreciate If email can be send to me personally on this email address. After i receive your email,i will call you to confirm your information.

NOTE: Attached a copy of your IDENTITY (passport, driving license or national identity card). Incomplete document will delay the process.

Very Respectful,

Barr. Menzies Haggerty. (LLb, MABA)
University of Michigan, J.D.,
Editor, Michigan Journal of Law Reform, 1975;
Washington University, B.A., magna cum laude, 1972
C.E.O. Menzies Haggerty Chambers (UK).
---------------------------------------
My 10/1/09 reply:

Dear Barrister Menzies,

I see you're a Michigan Grad. I bet you have scarlet and gray pj's. Can you confirm? You asked for a bunch of info that your little friends already have. You people run a really inefficient operation. It makes me want to come right over there and roll some heads!

Here is my information again. Pay attention, Menzie-All-Worked-Up-In-A-Frenzy:

Full Names: Rancington VanMullenicks
Contact Address: 86 Bagel Cream Cheese Drive, Philadelphia, PA 19131
Country: USA
Age: 31
Sex: Male
Occupation: Food Additive Engineer
Phone: Again, Sus barfed on it, it's nonfunctional. She owes me a new one.
Lottery Agent Name: I'm assuming Rafael. Sus has been awfully quiet--did you have her killed?
Your winnings E-mail address: hey dumbass--look at the header.
Winning amount: £850,000,000.00 GBP
My I.D. is attached.

This is taking a long time. Get moving! Time is money!

Rancington
--------------------------------------------------------------------
From: enquiries@menzieshaggerty.com
Subject: LEGAL REQUIREMENT TO PROCEED
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 2009 07:11:33 +0100

MENZIES HAGGERTY CHAMBERS (UK)

(Attorney-at-Law and Solicitors)
Menzies Haggerty Chambers
Suite 3,80A Blackheath Road
Greenwich
London
SE10 8DA

Telephone: +44 703 598 0958

Fax: On Request

Email:enquiries@menzieshaggerty.com
Website:http://menzieshaggerty.com/home

LEGAL REQUIREMENT TO PROCEED

Attn:Winner,

Thanks for your email.

Your package has been sent to the TNT Courier and it is in their warehouse awaiting payment. Understand something your winning cheque and other related documents have been sealed in a brown package ready to be shipped to you.

If you cannot come to the office in the UK, you will have to take care of the Shipping Charges and also pay for my Administrative fees for my services.

I also urge you to keep whatever you are doing confidential because last week we arrested someone who came to our office with fake documents to claim one of the lucky winner's prize after thorough investigations we found out that it was his best friends prize, when we contacted the winner he was shocked and also ashamed because the man he thought he could trust and confine in betrayed him.

This is one of the reasons why we asked you to come to our office in UK yourself but you said you couldn't.
NB: The Cost Of Delivery cannot be deducted from your winning cheque because it has been insured in your name and cannot not be touch unless by you.

The cost of doing all this has been analyzed below. You are expected to send the money before the delivery agent will em-back on the delivery of your consignment

All the expenses that are to be met by you behalf are as follows with there analysis.

EXPRESS DELIVERY {24 Hours)

Courier Charge: 40.07GBP

Insurance Fee 200.12GBP

Administrative Charges 310GBP

Total. 550.19GBP

Please note that you are expected to make payment as soon as possible, Payment of the courier delivery charge should be made through Western Union Money Transfer to our receiving accounts officer. The courier policy require all payments within a certain limit be made through Western Union to our receiving account officer in charge of International Payment for immediate pick-up to facilitate the easy release of your funds to any destination. The details below are needed for the western union money transfer.

Name of Receiver: Balesaria Mehroonnisha

Address of Receiver: Suite 3,80A Blackheath Road Greenwich London SE10 8DA.

Amount to be sent: 550.19GBP

Once the transfer has been made successfully at Western union, I want you to send me the following money transfer information as written in the payment receipt (alternatively, scan the Western Union Payment Receipt):

immediately via email, as a standard procedures to ensure that everything is done in accordance with the British, FSA and European Union Financial Regulations be observed.

NAME OF SENDER:

AMOUNT SENT:

COUNTRY OF SENDER:

MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER.(M.T.C.N):

NAME OF RECEIVER:

INSURANCE FEE.

Due to the diplomatic and sensitive content of your parcel, it will be illegal to ship it without being insured as it will violate the federal delivery rules governing shipping\delivery. This means payment for the insurance fee must be made before shipment to avoid risk. This is because of some bad experience we had in the past. We can not afford to re-issue your funds if anything goes wrong. In this case payment for the insurance fee is absolutely compulsory.

COURIER CHARGES

This is the exact amount that TNT Express Courier Company is demanding from you so that your parcel can be delivered soonest. Also insurance is mandatory or shipping company will not carry out delivery. I tried to appeal to them to accept C.O.D (cash on delivery).But they will only accept C.O.D for shipping fee.

ADMINISTRATIVE CHARGES.

The administrative charges belongs to this Office, This is the cost of the service the chamber and the attorney therein rendered.

As soon as this payment is made, the Diplomatic agent will enact on the immediate delivery of your winning document, and you will be able to get the document within 72hours of payment.

You should be rest assured that payment is refundable in any case of unforeseen circumstances which rarely occur. We are people of legitimacy and law enforcing people and therefore you should be rest assured of a safe transaction.

Note: That your prize is protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible to deduct any amount from the money before remittance. This means that the above insurance charges cannot be deducted from the prize and hence must be provided by you before your parcel is shipped. This is in accordance with section 13(1) (n) of the international gambling act as adopted in 1993 and amended on 3RD July 1996 by the constitutional assembly. This is to protect recipients and to avoid misappropriation of funds.

Your attention on this subject matter is urgently needed for fast action.

Very Respectful,

Barr. Menzies Haggerty. (LLb, MABA)

University of Michigan, J.D.,

Editor, Michigan Journal of Law Reform, 1975;

Washington University, B.A., magna cum laude, 1972

C.E.O. Menzies Haggerty Chambers (UK).
---------------------------------------
My response, dates 10/2/2009:

Date: Fri, 2 Oct 2009 06:56:47 -0400

Hey Big Bad Barrister,

I was glad you accepted my paperwork. And ID.

I've got the paperwork together and will head over to Western Union ASAP.

But first one question, and this is right in your wheelhouse: What coach said this about our Wolverines when asked why he went for two despite a 36-point lead against Michigan: "Because I couldn't go for three."