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Friday, August 28, 2009

Post #11 - The Dial Corporation - "Operation Brillo Sheep"

This was a note that I sent to Brillo, which, as I learned, is a division of Dial.  It was sent on 6/17/1997.
Dear Pad Daddies,

As a vegetarian, I hate to see the senseless slaughter of any animal, large or small. As a geneticist, I have chosen animal husbandry as my branch of focus. My latest project involves the common sheep, an unfortunate species that has taken the backseat to the cow (milk, beef, and fertilizer), the pig (ham, bacon, baby back ribs, pork rinds, and pigs feet), and the chicken (nuggets, patties, KFC). It seams that the only time lamb meat is consumed is around Passover, and dammit, that’s too often.

With all of these space age fibers replacing wool, the only other practical use for a sheep is their flesh. One night, eleven months ago, I had an idea—to genetically splice a sheep DNA strand with a fiber of steel wool, and to place the baby sheep (kid) on an iron rich diet. The result is a sheep that can actually GROW Brillo Pad material! The pads still need to be formed, but I’ve produced two males and three females so far, and I plan to breed them. I’m feeding them their normal allotment of hay, mixed with iron ore dust and water (to prevent sneezes).

The technology is undeniable, and at night, all we do is turn on an electromagnet and “attract” them back to home base. The once-painted barn wall, along which they walk, is now bare from their Brillo fur. The hang-up is finding a humane way by which the steel wool can be removed and rolled into pads. You might be of some assistance for this part.

Are you interested in pursuing “Operation Brillo Sheep”? I see economical benefits ($$$$) for a company that no longer needs to process steel into fibrous strands, and then blend it with wool.

Cloning Sheep to Earn My Keep,


P.S. I am trusting your confidentiality on this project until it becomes a reality!
Note from “Maria”, Consumer Information Representative at The Dial Corporation, dated 6/27/1997.

Dear Larry,

Thank you for taking the time to contact The Dial Corporation with a suggestion for one of our products. We all enjoyed reading your letter.

Because of the possibility of confusion about the origin of an idea, as well as to enhance confidentiality and other issues, The Dial Corporation has a company policy against considering ideas submitted by any outside source. We realize our consumers often have good ideas, but experience has taught us this policy is necessary to avoid possible misunderstanding.

In appreciation of your understanding, I have enclosed a coupon for you to use on your next shopping trip. Again, thank you for sharing your comments with us.



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