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Showing posts with label crackers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crackers. Show all posts

Friday, August 20, 2010

Post # 139 - West Bend Popcorn Popper Crack - 4/7/2010

Dear West Bend,

Martha and I love popcorn, and not that nonsense that comes in the bag that you stick in your radar range. No sir. Popcorn in a popper. Popcorn in YOUR West Bend 82306X Stir Crazy 6-Quart Electric Popcorn Popper. Life has been a dream—one popperful of corn at a time. Different flavors of popcorn salt on different days. And on Saturday…CARAMEL CORN!

Here’s the deal. I design components, just like the crack staff at West Bend. We all sat in the same classes, with the same barely-speaking-English professors, learning basic design concepts. Among those: avoid stress risers. Stress risers are sharp corners in components, where cracks are likely to begin, and quickly propagate. I explain this to you as though you don’t know what I’m talking about.

I’m accusing West Bend of intentionally designing an Achilles heel into their popper globe. My globe is hanging on by a thread, and you know it. You planned it. You’re giggling about it.

Why else would you design such a sharp corner, where the handle meets the globe. That globe is so flimsy and flexible, leaving that area so vulnerable to cracking. In fact, to slow the crack propagation down, I’ve ceased washing the oily popcorn aftermath from the inside of the globe.

You know darn well that there should be a nice rounded, gradual transition, with reinforcing ribs. I’m sure that saving several cents, plus creating a reason for folks to buy a new West Bend 82306X Stir Crazy 6-Quart Electric Popcorn Popper.

Well I say no. I’m really angry. I’m going to climb the highest mountain and shout it at the top of my lungs.

I’m a dissatisfied customer. I’d appreciate a written explanation.

Sincerely,

Jerry
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Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2010 08:20:13 -0600

From: service@focuselectrics.com
Subject: Focus Customer Service Request B10-04-0182

Please email back the four digit date code beginning with zero or nine from the base of the machine. Also, include the date and store of purchase. With this information we can assist you further.

Regards,

Alyssa
CSR
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To: service@focuselectrics.com
Subject: RE: Focus Customer Service Request B10-04-0182
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2010 23:49:16 -0400

Hi Alyssa,

It's 0044. Is this the 44th day of 2000? Keep in mind, it had an eight year hiatus on a shelf, when I had discovered potato chips.

Thanks,

Jerry
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Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2010 06:37:33 -0600

From: service@focuselectrics.com
Subject: Focus Customer Service Request B10-04-0182

Unfortunately, your unit was manufactured by the original West Bend company in 2000, and discontinued before Focus Electrics acquired the company about 5 years ago. Because you unit is 10 years old the only option we can give at this time is to purchase a new lid, or we can give you a discount on a new popper. The lid is part P347-2D for $22.94, which includes shipping and handling. You can order online at www.focuselectrics.com, or with customer service at 866-290-1851.

We are willing to offer you a new unit at a discounted price. Please log onto our website at www.focuselectrics.com to view our current product offerings. If you choose to receive the discount of 30% off (coupon code 30AK) of the regular listed price please contact customer service at 866-290-1851. Please contact us back if you require further assistance/

Regards,

Alyssa

CSR

If you reply to this message, please be sure that the request id B10-04-0182 is contained in the subject line of your email.
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To: service@focuselectrics.com

Subject: RE: Focus Customer Service Request B10-04-0182
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:39:47 -0400

Alyssa,

I think I figured it out. I paid $29.99 for a popper back in 2000. I can buy basically the same popper in 2010 at Target for $29.99. Or, I can buy the poorly designed lid for $22.94.

My other option is to go on your website and pay $44.93 for the same 6 quart Stir Crazy popper that I can get at Target for $29.99. With your 30% off coupon, that's $31.45 plus shipping.

Plus, I don't see that the lid handle on the new model is really improved at all. Why not fix the lid once and for all?

Jerry
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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Post# 130 - Hormel and Their Jacked Up Snack

This was a car trip snack when we drove to Florida.  I found the math both tricky and difficult as I ate and drove.  I sent this letter on 2/17/2010.

Dear Hormel,


I am an avid snacker. It’s a passion. As a short order cook at a truck stop, I never have time for a big meal. I often enjoy quick snacks between omelet platters, patty melts, and biscuits with gravy. Last week, I happened upon your Hormel Ham, Cheddar and Cracker Snack Tray.

Your nutrition information shows one serving consisting of: 16 hams, 7 cheddars, 5 crackers. I counted--the package contains: 40 cheeses, 40 hams, 24 crackers. I’m assuming the ham and cheeses are measured by weight.

I’m a sandwich man. Always have been. Since you’re saying 5 crackers = one serving, this determines that in order to maintain your ratios, I need to have 10 crackers, 32 hams, and 14 cheeses. However, the math never adds up—you always end up with a ham-less cracker sandwich, or a not enough crackers.

I threw away the rulebook. The package contains 24 crackers, or 12 sandwiches. Each sandwich gets 3 and 1/3 cheeses and 3 and 1/3 hams. It becomes pretty cumbersome. The cracker sandwich height exceeds my mouth-hole diameter. Therefore, I have to hastily disassemble my creations, and make them mouth-sized. In the process, the ratios of cracker, cheese and ham get distorted.

Why do you torment us with mixed fractions and remainders? Why can’t you make your snack component quantities more snack-sandwich friendly? I’m not asking you to pre-assemble anything. Just for once, have the same people who do the nutrition information talk to the bean counters who determine the quantities of cheese, ham, and crackers.

And for Gosh Sakes, make the serving size include an even number of crackers for those of us in the Sandwich Club.

Sincerely,

Jerry

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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Post # 82 - War On Spam - Zongo Part 4 of 4 - Zongo and the Runaway Tortoise - 1/3/2010

Here is Part 4 of 4.  I've been asked to submit my application to the bank, and I act like I submitted it.  He starts getting antsy.
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From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:13:52 +0000

Jerminsco-Jerminsco-Jermonius

Good, that will be better as you said, but try and let me know whenever bank contacted you just like I told you before ok,

Mr ZONGO ALI
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My response, dated 1/17/2009

Zong-Chicka-Zong-Zong,

I'm getting a little antsy over here. I bought a pet turtle to occupy my worried mind.

Enjoy Your Sunday. But not too much. Get those chores done!

J-J-J
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From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2010 09:53:29 +0000

Jerminsco, have you sent the form to the bank because today is Monday?

Mr ZONGO ALI
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My response, sent 1/18/2010

Zingo-Zango-Zongo,

No. I have sent the form to the bank because I want to be financially independent.

I think my turtle may be a tortoise. Because he made a run for it.

Gotta run--gotta find Shelly.

J-J-J
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From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2010 19:05:53 +0000

J de j

But today is Monday you need to rewrite bank and know why delaying in respond to your tendered application because bank to suppose have contacted you by now.

Thanks

Mr Zongo Ali
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My response, set January 18, 2010

Zippy Zong-Stocking,

But today is Martin Luther King Day. Show some reverence.

Besides, this is all in God's hands. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm praying hard on this end. You pray hard too. Have faith.

J-J-J
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From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 2010 08:51:42 +0000
J-J-DE J

I have hoped that everything will work well which I have been praying for, as today is Martin Luther King Day. Hope after the celebration and nothing done I advice you resend the application to the bank again for their urgent attention ok. I wish you happy celebration.

Mr Zongo Ali
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My response, dated 1/19/2010

Hey Zing, Zing A Zong, Zing Out Loud, Zing Out Strong,

I’ve been praying so hard that I broke a sweat. I took a small break for some crackers and ham spread.

I think the bank hasn’t responded because YOU haven’t been praying hard enough. Either that or you’ve sinned. Which is it?

I’ll pray now, not only for our transaction, but also for your soul.

J-J-J
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From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:40:45 +0000

Dear Mr Jermonius

How dare you judge me, judge is made for the Lord alone not person like you, why must you said that bank haven’t answers us because of my sin? don’t be stupid because I contacted you for a business ok, and is like you’re joking with this transaction i have seen it.

Mr ZONGO ALI
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My response 1/19/2010

Zong-Delicious,

How dare YOU judge ME for judging YOU!

What about those jokers who apparently lost my application? Why don't you cast your evil judgment on THEM? It seems that they aren't taking this seriously. If they can't handle a simple application, what makes us confident that they can handle our transaction?

I like this sentence structure: "don’t be stupid because I contacted you for a business ok, and is like you’re joking with this transaction i have seen it."

Grammar isn't just somebody that you take to Bob Evans for her birthday.

J-J-J
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Mr. Zongo’s response on 1/23/2010:

Listen very carefully Mr Jermonius i don’t contact you in this transaction for play ok, so if you’re out for business better be serous

Mr ZONGO ALI
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To: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: RE: Thanks a lot.
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 2010 12:09:17 -0500

Mr. Zongo Ali,

I am extremely serious. I can tell through our correspondences, that you are a passionate man, driven to succeed. This is rare and admirable trait in these troubled times. In a way, I look up to you--I strive toward those qualities, but sometimes fall short.

I believe you summed up my status most eloquently: I'm out for business". These last few days, you've spooned out some medicine--tough love. I am on board. Let's get this done! As a sign of my sincerity, I've ceased calling you fun alliterative and rhyming names. Instead, you go by one name: Mr. Zongo Ali.

Sincerely,

Jermonius VonCheddarburger

Your Partner In Crime


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No response
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