Dear Wonka,
I've got a bone to pick with you. My kids received several boxes of your "Nerds" candy while Trick or Treating on Halloween. They resemble fish tank gravel, and come in tiny boxes.
In one box, during one of our random "candy audits," my wife noticed a peculiarity--one that has thrown your entire candy operation into question.
In a box of Strawberry Nerds, we found a Grape Nerd. Why was it there? Do the nerds fill the box, or is the box somehow formed around the Nerds?
I thought the point of the box was to keep one color of nerds isolated and protected from bad stuff on the outside. I picture an enormous conveyor belt with a rainbow of Nerds approaching a fellow in a haz-mat suit and moon boots who, with tweezers, separates the Nerds into the correct boxes.
How did a Grape Nerd find its way into my Strawberry Nerds? Computer glitch? Operator error? Practical joke? I have the nerd isolated in a pill bottle, and can share it if necessary. Is there is cause for concern? Will this trigger a recall?
I just wanted you to know about my problem, and why I'm flipping out over here.
Sincerely,
Jerry
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Subject: Re: Response from Willy Wonka Case ID: 19620416Date: Tuesday, December 13, 2011, 11:13 AM
Dear Becky,
Thank you for your response. Thank you for the coupons. I wish I could provide tracking info. This was Halloween candy that my wife stole from my kids while they were sleeping, and she threw away the box to avoid any blame.
In your note, you reference "high speed automated production lines." What does this even mean? Robots? I think this incident is a clear indication that technology has gone too far. Slow down!
A robot doesn't care because a robot can't care. A robot has no heart. Know who has heart? My grandma. My grandma could do a better job filling and sorting guy our confections because she cares. She has a heart. Plus, a robot doesn't bring in homemade oatmeal butterscotch cookies on Fridays like my grandma would. Plus, she has every fella in her nursing home chasing her around on Pinochle Night. Find me a robot that has that!
Let this incident serve as a line in the sand. Ditch the robots. Replace them with air breathing red blooded Americans!
Sincerely,
Jerry
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Subject: Re: Response from Willy Wonka Case ID: 19620416Date: Tuesday, December 13, 2011, 11:13 AM
Dear Becky,
Thank you for your response. Thank you for the coupons. I wish I could provide tracking info. This was Halloween candy that my wife stole from my kids while they were sleeping, and she threw away the box to avoid any blame.
In your note, you reference "high speed automated production lines." What does this even mean? Robots? I think this incident is a clear indication that technology has gone too far. Slow down!
A robot doesn't care because a robot can't care. A robot has no heart. Know who has heart? My grandma. My grandma could do a better job filling and sorting guy our confections because she cares. She has a heart. Plus, a robot doesn't bring in homemade oatmeal butterscotch cookies on Fridays like my grandma would. Plus, she has every fella in her nursing home chasing her around on Pinochle Night. Find me a robot that has that!
Let this incident serve as a line in the sand. Ditch the robots. Replace them with air breathing red blooded Americans!
Sincerely,
Jerry
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