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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Post# 202 - The Michigan Fiber Festival: What's the Restroom Situation?

Apparently the Michigan Fiber Festival is more related to yarns and hempware, and less about musili.  It's not too late to head out there--the festival info is HERE.

Dear Michigan Fiber Festival,

As the youngest member of my community's retirement group, I was nominated to become the bus driver for day trips.  The board of directors figured that as the youngest, I had the best chance of not keeling over, requiring the board to finance another Class A license.

I was directed to keep August 19th free, so I could drive a bunch of elderly folks to your fine festival.  As a veteran of fiber festivals in three other states, I have my concerns.  Here goes.

You get buses and buses full of elderly folks into a confined area.  Many of these folks have constitution issues to begin within, and now you're adding high fiber foods, fiber workshops and discussions, fiber lecturers and symposiums, and activities.  Imagine a troop of 85 year-olds running a tire course like they're in basic training.  In their minds, they have happy thoughts-thoughts of regularity.  In their bellies, they have buckwheat pancakes, eighteen grain breads, course cereals, and just enough water to create a weather system down there.

Then, you have a bank of eight restrooms.

This is NOT a good situation.  Before I commit to busing thirty-three of the most ornery, stingy, and yet wonderful retirees in your directions, I have the following questions.

1) What your estimated capacity?
2) How many restroom accommodations can we expect?
3) Will there be any flax seed, or anything in the slippery elm bark family on the premises?

Bus drivers often get "freebies" for leading tourists to specific restaurants and gift shops.  In my case, I want no worldly possessions.  My only request is my own, secret, restroom with plumbing.  None of this "brand new porta-john business either--I've been fooled once.

These are my questions.  Can you please answer ASAP?  If I don't hear back, I may schedule a "bus carburetor repair."


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