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Friday, March 16, 2012

Post# 246 - Dial and Their "Look For Lotion" Message

I sent this to Dial on 6/23/2011:

Dear Dial,
As a 44 year-old Cream Cheese Pretzel Filler at a frozen foods factory, I work long, back-breaking hours.   I like the ladies, but don’t have all the time that a “9-to-5 Joe” might have. For a while, I was using your competition, while competing against their 22 to 28 year-old demographic.  That's when I discovered Dial Magnetic Clean Rinsing Shower Gel.  I figured out one day that I have a 93.9% "close" rating with your competition, and a 96.9% success rate with Dial.  "Pheromone-infused.  Need we say more?"  No.

But you did. I take exception with the sticker that you put on my latest bottle.  It reads “Look for Dial lotions.”  “Look for Dial lotions?”   Let’s cut right through all the clever marketing jargon and all of the cross-promotion excuses.  You’re saying that I “can’t cut the mustard” anymore, and that I can’t land a babe, even with your one-two punch of fragrance and pheromones.  You are sentencing me to the lotion aisle along with the 20-year-old Star Wars geek who lives in mom’s basement.
Out of curiosity, I wandered over to the lotion isle.  I excused myself as I passed “30-year-old Harry Potter guy” and 28-year-old Star Trek Guy, whose moms are a few isles down looking at emery boards and hair colors.  I walked right up to the “Dial” section.  I looked at the different bottles.  In a word, the Nutriskin lotions look tempting.  
Tempting to a man who frankly, gets a little tired of telling his “I once wrestled a bear-cub who wandered into my tent” and “I once sang Ave Maria for the Pope” first date stories.  Tempting to a man who gets sick of “Do you care if we eat at Chilis after?  We can split the mozzarella sticks.”  It gets to be like Groundhog Day—the same first date, over and over. 
A lot of fellas my age have cashed in and, as you say, started looking for Dial lotions.  Allimony payments, declining looks, lack of financial resources, and years of being hen-pecked have just scared them into "trying something different."   They kid themselves into thinking it’s just a week down in the minors, just to get the swing back.  They never come back.  They become “lotion experts,” some with eight or ten bottles by their bath tubs.  I miss seeing those guys at Appleby’s with their dates, ordering appletinis and the “2 for $20” because “I just love the little dessert shots.” 
I suggest you put a sticker on the lotions.  Make it a large font—a beckoning call to all of the losers who have given up on the dating scene and resorted to the lotion aisle.  It should read “Hey Loser!  Put this bottle down and march your heinie right over to the body wash aisle and pick up some Dial Magnetic Red Body Wash with Attracting Pheromones.”

People need something to strive toward.  Complacency is a killer.  You can help.

What do you think?


Subject: Response Contact Us Page-Reference Number 011150505A
Date: Friday, June 24, 2011, 12:01 PM
June 24, 2011

Dear Jerry:

Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding Dial Magnetic Bodywash.

Your comments are greatly appreciated.  We will pass your kind words along to the many people involved in developing, producing, marketing and transporting the product to you.

Consumer Affairs

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