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Monday, March 7, 2011

Post # 167 - Post Foods Shoots Down My Cereal Idea - 2/22/2011

 Dear  Post,

As a kid, my parents gave me Alphabits.  I remember pulling soggy letters from my bowl with my stubby little kid fingers, and creating words.  This daily ritual put me on a course  which landed me as spelling bee champ in grade school, and avid reader today.

I can’t help but think that Alphabits helped me.  They lit the fire that propelled me through school, through scholarship dollars, into college.  For that, I thank Post.

However, I sucked at math.  As a nation, we suck at math.  Year after year, our nation’s standardized math scores dip lower and lower.  Kids in other countries are now winning those scholarships.  We’re too busy feeding our Appalachian toddlers Mountain Dew in their sippy cups as they wear through their first set of teeth.

I can’t help but think that our math scores would be better if kids had a tool.  Something in front of them early in the morning, during the most important meal of the day.  My gift of gratitude to you, and to our nation, is an idea.  A concept.  It’s a good idea, and one that Post could bring to fruition.

My idea is, a companion cereal for Alphabits.  Instead of letters, and words at the table, Hindu-Arabic numbers, and equations at the table.  My cereal idea is called “Number Crunch.”  Edible numbers, 0 through 9.  Make them whole grain so our kids don’t have to push so hard.  They can spend less time in the stall, and more time calculating the catenary curve factor, as it applies to cable sag effect.

What do you think?  The science is undeniable.  George Bush said “No Child Left Behind.”  What does Post say?



P.S. How about some gluten free cereal brands for my mom who has Celiac.  You know you’d do it for your mom.
Follow-up Letter, sent 2/28/2011
Dear Post,

I am re-attaching the letter that I sent you last week.  I proposed a cereal idea that was, frankly, brilliant.  An idea that could turn this country around, and it’s rivals, on their ears.

It’s all about Number Crunch.  Our great universities would fight for local kids, instead of kids from places like Russia, Japan, and India.

You should know that I have cereal manufacturers from China and Germany inquiring about my idea, so you’d better act fast.

You’ve already captivated our youth with the letters.  Kids pull out letters and make words.  Words become sentences.  Sentences become compositions.  Soon, young Timmy is simultaneously fighting legal battles against Kraft and their “Mayonization” of our society, and crafting poetry to inspire and titillate.

You’ve already fought and won half of the battle.  Now let’s finish it together.



Subject: Regarding Case #:19104239
Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2011 11:49:55 -0500

March 01, 2011

Dear Jerry,
Thank you for the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.
Sandra Meeks
Consumer Response Representative


We have forwarded your suggestion to our Marketing Department. We are always looking at possible future products.
We appreciate your comments and thank you for your loyalty.
Subject: Regarding Case #:19104901
Date: Mon, 7 Mar 2011 10:24:28 -0500

March 04, 2011

Dear Jerry,

We appreciate your interest in Post Foods, LLC (‘Post”). Although Post receives many requests and suggestions concerning new products, promotions, and other matters, Post’s policy is to not review unsolicited submissions. Post, like many companies, relies on its employees and contracted vendors for such matters, and over the years has considered numerous concepts covering a wide range of topics, possibly including something similar to your request/suggestion. Accordingly, we are not going to respond to your request/suggestion.
Again, thank you for your interest in Post.
Leslie Spaes
Consumer Response Representative


Subject: RE: Regarding Case #:19104901
Date: Mon, 7 Mar 2011 20:52:59 -0500

Dear Leslie,

With all due respect, both you and Sandra owe me a lap of shame, around the Post complex.
I took the time to submit what, in comparison to the rest of your cereal lineup, is a brilliant idea.  Sally responds, saying she’ll forward my idea to the marketing department.   She even stated that “We are always looking at possible future products.”    Then, you come back, saying that the marketing department doesn’t accept unsolicited submissions.

If Post Foods doesn’t accept unsolicited ideas, why, then, did Sally forward my idea to the marketing department?

Was it because
             a) You’re lying?

 b) Sally was blowing me off?

 c) Post Foods’ policies are not uniformly communicated and enforced, even when you and 
     Sally probably sit two cubicles away from one another? 

d) Despite the stringent policy, Sally saw my idea as somewhat superior, and well above the
    normal ideas, and well above the Post cereal lineup that graces my grocer’s shelves, and
    that as a Kraft Foods stockholder, she wants to see long term success of your employer?

Maybe you do accept unsolicited ideas when theyare, in your opinion, “Cupcake Crisp Good.”  Maybe you just didn’t have the heart to tell me that you thought my idea stunk.  Even though everyone I’ve described has been blown away and said “That’s a really good idea.”  Even people who made fun of my Halloween costume last year (a kid’s cowboy hat, kid’s cowboy vest, kid’s deputy badge, kid’s pistols).

Regardless, it sounds like my idea has been tossed in the heaping pile where good ideas die.  It sounds like from here on out, you’re going to rely on the same geniuses that keep reinventing Honey Bunches of Oats sequels (you can stop at any time—I think I counted 8), can’t decide on a name for Super Sugar Crisp, and pulled the plug on Oreo O’s.

Good luck with that.

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