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Sunday, September 5, 2010

Post # 142 - War on Spam: Timothy Decent and the Society of the Secret Shopper - 4/14/2010

Subject: Mystery Shopper Job
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2010 04:01:18 +0800

Good day,

I am your group regional Instructor for Ocean View consult in USA.

Henceforth.We are looking for a secret shopper around your city and your wage is $200 per assignment. Email me back with the Information below then i can send you the procedures on what you will be doing:Full Name,Address in full (No Po Box) Occupation,Age, Cell Number.


Timothy Decent
Dear Timothy,

Are you decent?

How did you become my group regional Instructor? I belong to no group, no region, and never requested instruction.

However, the thought of being a “secret” shopper intrigues me. Here is my information:

Jebediah O’Hurleywhirly 23 Catlitter Lane, Cedar Chips City, Wisconsin 21221

I am a 45 year-old farmer. I have no cellular mobile phone. I have no phone whatsoever. I am part of the Old Order of the Amish. We shun technology. I have a buggy instead of a car. Our farm equipment is water-powered. We have no fancy schmantzy wireless internet. I have to ride the buggy into town and head to Panera Bread for that. Their bagels are good. Coffee’s better at Dunkin Donuts though.

Let’s get to the bottom of this, Timbo. What are we doing? Send me more details so I can start shopping in a secretive way.

Looking forward!


Subject: Guideline To Mystery shopping!!!
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:18:48 -0700


Your job will be to evaluate and comment on customer service in a wide Variety of shops,Stores, restaurant and services in your area . Mystery shoppers are Needed Throughout the state. You will be paid to shop and dine out-plus,you can also get free meals, Free merchandise, Free services, free Entertainment, Free travel and more. Great Pay. Fun Work. Flexible Schedules. No experience required. If you can shop-you are qualified!


A good mystery shopper is always anonymous. A mystery shopper should be able to visit the same location a number of times without being detected by the staff. Mystery shoppers do not take forms on the premises with them and do not take notes when they are visible during their shopping time.


A mystery shopper who does not reliably complete assignments is of no value to our company and will quickly be eliminated from our shopper pool. Of course, we realize that occasionally a situation arises that prevents a shopper from completing an assignment they have agreed to take. Reliable shoppers contact us immediately to inform us of the situation.Reliable shoppers submit their reports within the deadline after completing the shop.


Forms must be completed in detail. Your written observations must agree with the way you scored questions. If we have to contact you to ask for missing information or clarify what you have submitted, your payment may be reduced and your status as a shopper could be jeopardized.


After you submit your shopping report , it is reviewed by an editor, who checks it for completeness, detail,accuracy and to be certain that it meets the high standards of Secret Shopper®. You must be accessible to an editor during daytime hours and available to discuss your report, if necessary. Other You must be at least 18 to shop. You cannot shop a store or company where you or any relatives or members of your household are employed.

and its good that you have an idea of what mystery shopper is all about.

The following information will be needed for our file record.

Full Name:
Address not P.o. box:
Zip code:
Date of Birth:
Tel/Cell Number:
Bank Name:

I will be awaiting your details and reply as soon as you get this message.

Mr Timothy Decent
Subject: RE: Guideline To Mystery shopping!!!
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2010 21:45:35 -0400


I gave you everything. The only new thing you're asking for is my bank. We Amish don't trust banks. It's all in my mattress. Whoopsy, now the cat's out of the bag.

What's next?


Subject: Attn: Prospective Mystery Shopper,
Date: Sat, 8 May 2010 14:12:10 -0700
Attn: Prospective Mystery Shopper,

I am very sure you have been receiving the series of e-mails sent to you after the payment has been delivered to you. I don't want to believe you are a Ripper and I don't want to believe that your acceptance of the Job you applied for is to receive the Company's Funds and keep silent after receiving the Check.

The contract between us is that you would receive the Company's Check from its clients, Cash it, then follow my instructions and complete your assignment.

You accepted this contract and sent me your information. You have been corresponding with the company till you received payments and became silent.

I don't know why you are acting funny. I am very sure you wouldn't want me to take security measures like sending your information to the FBI in your state to get the company's fund from you.

I want you to know we really have to get this done today because the delay is causing alot for the Company.


Timothy Decent
Subject: RE: Attn: Prospective Mystery Shopper,
Date: Sun, 9 May 2010 22:53:40 -0400

Hey Timmaye! Timmaye! Timmaye!

Did you send the check to my Cedar Chips City address? Because I've since renounced my Amish ways and moved to a skyrise studio apartment in Manhattan. Sorry about that.

You don't scare me. You're about as frightening as a fluffy little bunny with a runny nose. You're pathetic. We left off on April 19th with me asking for more info. You went silent. Doesn't that make you the ripper? What's a ripper?

Why don't you call the FBI? While you're at it, send me a copy of the signed, cashed check, along with the contract that I signed. Neither exists. You suck, Timmaye!

Also, while we're at it, why do all of your emails find their way (automatically) into the junk folder on my email? Actually, why don't we call the FBI together on your phone, you big puss?

You're a phony, and a farce. You probably walk around town with a roll of Necco's in your shorts, trying to impress the ladies (or dudes).

You said I'm acting funny. You're the funny one. Why don't you get a real job instead of trying to rip off old people and college kids? Why don't you take that roll of Necco's that you stuff in your shorts and turn around and shove it up your ass?


Jebediah O’Hurleywhirly

Subject: FW: Attn: Prospective Mystery Shopper,
Date: Tue, 11 May 2010 21:01:40 -0400


We need to talk. I didn't appreciate you sending "FBI" Agents to my home address.

Seriously? High school drama students dressed in rented Halloween costumes with cake decorations for badges?

Pathetic. You are capable of much better. You need to straighten up and fly right.

Jebediah O’Hurleywhirly


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