Post # 83 - Senator Shelby and the Rising Cost of a Bee-Emmm - 2/4/2009

Last week, I guest blogged on hockeydino.com   The topic was a letter to Senator Shelby of Alabama regarding the Toyota mess.  In that letter, I referred to a previous love note that I wrote.

By the way, my other letter can be read HERE

Hockey Dino's Facebook Page is HERE
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A lot of people know, Senator Shelby from Alabama is one of my favorite people. He's one of the clowns that grandstanded in front of the CEO's to protect his own interests. If you like him or agree with him, I'm sorry. When something bad happens to me, I blame him.

If I burn the roof of my mouth on a chicken pot pie, it's Senator Shelby's fault.
If I lose my car keys, it's Richard's fault.
Burnt popcorn in the microwave? Blame Richard.

Here's my little letter. I sent it back in February 2009. I doubt he even read it. But it felt good.

--------------------------------------
Dear Senator Shelby,

As an employee of the Big Three, I wanted to thank you for the scrutiny back a few months ago. Yes, some people thought it was “kicking a guy when he’s down,” and “geez—it’s a loan. Not like the $750 bank handout, squandered on parties and stadium naming rights." But those people only have the perspective of an outsider. They don’t see it through the eyes of YOU--one of our very important leaders. You certainly made us think: how can we be more productive. How can we do more with less?

On a personal note, your big production with the CEO’s scared a lot of my coworkers and colleagues into taking early retirement. So there’s a lot more ground to cover at work, which is fine by me. Again—I was already on this “More With Less” kick before you started on us. But again, your wisdom helped people redirect their paths. Nice work.

Let’s be honest—there’s only so much time in the day. I’m sure you’re like me—talking via Bluetooth to clients and colleagues during the commutes to and from work, watching the news while you run a hundred miles on the treadmill, thinking of ways to solve problems while you lie awake in bed.

Some of the changes I’ve made as part of my “More with Less” campaign: I quietly recite my Pledge of Allegiance every morning while I’m tooth brushing. I used to do these separately. I travel to and from work before and after rush hour to minimize time in the car. I buy only 12 things so I don’t have to wait in line at the checkout. I’ve switched to an all liquid diet to eliminate the 10 minutes a day I was squandering in the potty.

Senator Shelby—it could be argued that your wisdom, power, and terrific speaking skills are also a curse. As important as I am, someone representing the people, being paid all those tax dollars with far more frequent increases than I get, is that much more important. Every spare minute of your day is a moment that could be spent helping someone. Really, the only place you can’t get anything done, is in the lavatory.

Let’s face it, you can’t pass a bill in “there” doing “that”. Have you calculated how much your time in the can costs the average tax payer? A politician can’t make a former major leaguer squirm over steroid and perjury allegations while they are “punching a grumpy.”

Think it over next time you have a moment. It’s a simple plan: Carnation Instant Breakfast, V8 for lunch, Protein Drink for dinner, sometimes, a tasty Frosty from Wendy’s as a treat (you could have an intern get this for you). It works. I’ve lost 53 lbs. I feel great (you already look great as it is, by the way). I save trees (less toilet paper), water (less flushes), and I never need to worry about my stance in the Minneapolis Airport, if you know what I mean.

I would appreciate your thoughts. Will you consider this liquid diet proposal? Don’t you sort of owe it to the people? Do you have tips for how I can be more productive? By the way, I’m typing this on my treadmill.

Sincerely,

Jerry
--------------------------------------
(of course) No Reply

Post # 82 - War On Spam - Zongo Part 4 of 4 - Zongo and the Runaway Tortoise - 1/3/2010

Here is Part 4 of 4.  I've been asked to submit my application to the bank, and I act like I submitted it.  He starts getting antsy.
-----------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:13:52 +0000

Jerminsco-Jerminsco-Jermonius

Good, that will be better as you said, but try and let me know whenever bank contacted you just like I told you before ok,

Mr ZONGO ALI
-----------------------------------------------------
My response, dated 1/17/2009

Zong-Chicka-Zong-Zong,

I'm getting a little antsy over here. I bought a pet turtle to occupy my worried mind.

Enjoy Your Sunday. But not too much. Get those chores done!

J-J-J
-----------------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2010 09:53:29 +0000

Jerminsco, have you sent the form to the bank because today is Monday?

Mr ZONGO ALI
-------------------------------------------------------
My response, sent 1/18/2010

Zingo-Zango-Zongo,

No. I have sent the form to the bank because I want to be financially independent.

I think my turtle may be a tortoise. Because he made a run for it.

Gotta run--gotta find Shelly.

J-J-J
------------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2010 19:05:53 +0000

J de j

But today is Monday you need to rewrite bank and know why delaying in respond to your tendered application because bank to suppose have contacted you by now.

Thanks

Mr Zongo Ali
------------------------------------------------
My response, set January 18, 2010

Zippy Zong-Stocking,

But today is Martin Luther King Day. Show some reverence.

Besides, this is all in God's hands. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm praying hard on this end. You pray hard too. Have faith.

J-J-J
------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 2010 08:51:42 +0000
J-J-DE J

I have hoped that everything will work well which I have been praying for, as today is Martin Luther King Day. Hope after the celebration and nothing done I advice you resend the application to the bank again for their urgent attention ok. I wish you happy celebration.

Mr Zongo Ali
-----------------------------------------------
My response, dated 1/19/2010

Hey Zing, Zing A Zong, Zing Out Loud, Zing Out Strong,

I’ve been praying so hard that I broke a sweat. I took a small break for some crackers and ham spread.

I think the bank hasn’t responded because YOU haven’t been praying hard enough. Either that or you’ve sinned. Which is it?

I’ll pray now, not only for our transaction, but also for your soul.

J-J-J
-----------------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:40:45 +0000

Dear Mr Jermonius

How dare you judge me, judge is made for the Lord alone not person like you, why must you said that bank haven’t answers us because of my sin? don’t be stupid because I contacted you for a business ok, and is like you’re joking with this transaction i have seen it.

Mr ZONGO ALI
---------------------------------------------------
My response 1/19/2010

Zong-Delicious,

How dare YOU judge ME for judging YOU!

What about those jokers who apparently lost my application? Why don't you cast your evil judgment on THEM? It seems that they aren't taking this seriously. If they can't handle a simple application, what makes us confident that they can handle our transaction?

I like this sentence structure: "don’t be stupid because I contacted you for a business ok, and is like you’re joking with this transaction i have seen it."

Grammar isn't just somebody that you take to Bob Evans for her birthday.

J-J-J

----------------------------------------------


Mr. Zongo’s response on 1/23/2010:

Listen very carefully Mr Jermonius i don’t contact you in this transaction for play ok, so if you’re out for business better be serous

Mr ZONGO ALI
----------------------------------------
To: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: RE: Thanks a lot.
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 2010 12:09:17 -0500

Mr. Zongo Ali,

I am extremely serious. I can tell through our correspondences, that you are a passionate man, driven to succeed. This is rare and admirable trait in these troubled times. In a way, I look up to you--I strive toward those qualities, but sometimes fall short.

I believe you summed up my status most eloquently: I'm out for business". These last few days, you've spooned out some medicine--tough love. I am on board. Let's get this done! As a sign of my sincerity, I've ceased calling you fun alliterative and rhyming names. Instead, you go by one name: Mr. Zongo Ali.

Sincerely,

Jermonius VonCheddarburger

Your Partner In Crime


----------------------------------------
No response
From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 81 - My Guest Blog on HockeyDino.Com !!!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It's a great honor today to guest blog on my friend Hockey Dino's page.  His blog is something that I read whenever I can.  It is both entertaining and thought provoking.  It leads to great discussions.
Feel free to check it out.

My guest blog is here: HERE

You can join Dino's Facebook fanpage HERE


From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 80 - Philips Digital Frame Rip-Off - 12/30/2009

Dear Philips,

My Nana is 98 years old. She has seen the Great Depression, both World Wars, the hippie movement, and the forgettable Cosby movie, Leonard Part VI. In short, she has had enough stress to last three lifetimes.

On our holiday visit to her nursing home, I thought it might be nice to give her a nice gift. We have a $50 cap in our family, because Nana always reciprocates, and she has a fixed income. At $49.99, your Philips 8 inch LCD Digital PhotoFrame (Model 8FF2FPB) was perfect. What better way to allow Nana to see her four children and their spouses, plus 16 grand children and 132 great grand children, when we could not be there in person.

The plan was, “let’s wrap it up, and bring my laptop to upload the photos into the frame”. Nana opened the package, and after we explained it to her, she was delighted. She was tickled pink, red, green, and any color you can name.

I opened the box to get the upload process going. No USB cable included. Worse, no means of storing the pictures on the frame—no memory card included. Are you frigging kidding me? I looked at the box—no mention that I needed to purchase these items for an additional $27. I saw you included a power cord. That was very thoughtful.

As I type this, Nana is looking at someone else’s family on her frame—the family that came with the frame. Someone else’s kids are getting my Nana’s affection because Nana didn’t have the cable or the chip, and she refused to let me buy the additional parts. Your lack of concern for your customer put a real damper on the holidays. You’ve really done it this time! Nana read me the riot act. She dressed me down in front of the others. Nobody crosses Nana. She said, maybe THAT family will visit her more, and give her tapioca (she’s on a special diet—that’s a long story).

I’m disgusted with the entire Philips organization. You listened to bean counters who care little about the customer—the very one who puts the food on their table. No where on the box did it say “you need to buy more stuff to make this thing work”. I’d like a written explanation.

Thank You,

Jerry
-----------------------------------
No Reply.  No longer a Philips Phan.

From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post #79 - War On Spam: Zongo Part 3 of 4 -- Zongo and My Cool New Nickname -1/3/2010

From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Waiting for your urgent reply
Date: Sat, 16 Jan 2010 09:06:36 +0000

Mr. Jermonius

Ok there is no problem at all as long as the account information you provide can received the fund, all you can do now is to send the application form to the bank immediately through our bank email address indicated for the claim.

Waiting for your urgent reply

Thanks

Mr ZONGO ALI
---------------------------------------------------
My response, sent 1/16/2010

Zizzer-Zazzer-Zongo-As-You-Can-Plainly-See,

There are two big problems. 1) You never nicknamed me. You've taken to ignoring that request. 2) You've ignored my overtures for a fun buddy weekend for two weeks now. I've suggested exotic places like Greece. Fun places like Colorado and The Big Easy. I've even called around for availability and some tentative dates (Mid-February is looking best in Vail). Again, you've taken to ignoring these requests.

It seems like you are only doing this for the money. Well let me tell you--when I signed on to Team Zongo, I was looking for some of that great fellowship that we enjoyed in the early 80's on the sitcom Bosum Buddy's. Don't get me wrong--I wanted the cash too, but I was looking for a platonic same-sex friendship with Zongo-Zongo-Zongo-He's-Right-I-May-Be-Wrongo.

I half-heartedly sent the application to your banker friends. I had to hit send a second time because I tapped it so half-heartedly the first time.

I am sad today.

JVC
--------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Wait for the bank respond
Date: Sat, 16 Jan 2010 21:32:01 +0000

Jermisco-Jermisco-Jermonius

Thanks, as you sent the form to the bank you should endeavour to be checking your mail at least twice a day because bank can contact you at any time as soon as they receive your submitted form for the claim as the next of kin, also you will try let me know whenever you receive anything from the bank so that I can guide you on what to do to avoid mistake because any made will lead to cancellation of your tendered application

Wait for the bank respond

Thanks

Mr ZONGO ALI
--------------------------------------------------------
My response, sent 1/16/2010

Hey Zoo-Zoo-Zong-EE-OH,

I feel much better with my new nickname. I'm getting a T-shirt made up.

I won't be checking my mail twice a day. Instead, I'll check it THRICE per day!

Rock on, Gold Dust Zongo!

Jerminsco-Jerminsco-Jermonius

-----------------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED


From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 78 - MDOT Scarlet Letter Nonsense - 5/20/2009

Dear Michigan Department of Transportation,

I appreciate all road workers, and the peril involved in their jobs. Temperature extremes. Monotony. People driving through construction zones way too fast. Frustrated drivers expressing anger to the very workers who are fixing our roads. We all complain about construction. We all dislike long delays. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with those feelings. What I saw the other day was downright inappropriate. I am infuriated.

My tax dollars are paying those workers to pave roads--not to express their personal views. As I was passing through a construction zone, I saw a man wearing the orange vest and helmet, presumably a road worker, staging a protest. He was posting a bright orange sign that read "END CONSTRUCTION". I could not believe it.

End construction? Just because that particular worker (let's call him “Frank”) is frustrated with his job? What if we followed through with his request? How soon before our roadways would be undriveable? Trucks would be unable to deliver products. The local and national economies would shut down. All because Frank is chapped about something.

If Frank's wife packs him a turkey sandwich, with the cheese-with-the-holes instead of the white-cheese-with-the-orange-outside, is he going to stage an "END LUNCH" protest?

If Frank pulls a hammy at the gym, is he going to stage an "END NAUTILUS" protest?

If Frank's coworkers play the warm water trick while he's napping at lunch, is he going to stage an "END THE SUMMER CAMP TRICK" protest?

Where does it end with Frank? I started thinking about it, what could make this guy so downtrodden? What could make him take on a project that, if successful, would render him and his coworkers unemployed? Then I remembered, not two days earlier, he was holding up a sign that read "SLOW".

I'm assuming Frank did something dumb--maybe two or three dumb things-- triggering the foreman to order Frank to hold up the sign for all to see. Didn't corporal punishment and scarlet lettering go out of style a hundred years ago? What's wrong with a private discussion? Maybe some training. Progress reports? Dock him an hour. Please rewrite the procedures to contain a more positive discipline program--something other than make Frank hold up that demeaning sign.

Maybe as punishment, you should have all of the “Franks” go around and swap out the “Bridge May Be Icy” signs in the warmer months,

In the meantime, maybe the new construction project should be "Rebuilding Frank's Esteem," so that his problems don't one day become our problems. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Jerry

--------------------------

No Reply

--------------------------

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Post # 77 - Chicago Faucets Don't Stay On Long Enough - 9/16/09

Dear Chicago Faucets,

Imagine your seventh birthday party. All of your family and friends are gathered around. There are presents and streamers everywhere, and a lovely cake in front of you with seven flickering candles. They all begin to sing. Ha…. pee…. Bir….. thday…. tooo…. you…

My five-year-old son O’Brien has been taught to wash their hands for the duration of that song. By my definition, that song lasted almost a minute when Marilyn Monroe sang it to John-Boy. Now imagine O’Brien in the public restroom, having to push the button on your water-saver faucet—once per breathy syllable.

Based on the standard operating procedures, your faucet button has to be the filthiest item in the restroom, with the possible exceptions being the flusher lever or the jon lock thing. I realize automatic shut-off saves water, and allows “Mr. Clean Hands” to walk away and contaminate his hands on the towel cranker. But that button doesn’t work. My son, in trying to wash his dirty hands, presses your dirty button, rinses for a second, presses the dirty button, rinses for a second, all the way through the song. All he is accomplishing is replacing the bacteria and viruses on his hands, with new bacteria and viruses from your overly zealous faucet button. It’s like a line change in hockey—the new bacteria and viruses are probably “fresh”.

My question is, how are O’Brien’s hands not just as filthy, if not filthier than when he started? With all of this Swine Flu business, wouldn’t it make sense to recall your existing faucets from all public restrooms, and replace them with hygienic faucets that flow for a longer duration? I’m thinking, you could even upgrade and have the song play for the kids as they wash.

You need to be REALLY careful. Hand sanitizer and bottled water are becoming more and more popular. More of those products leads to less faucets and drinking fountains and whatever else you people make (I didn’t read your brochure).

Is it all about saving water and saving money? All that water won’t help any of us if we’re all dead. I used to cringe when I’d see people—sometimes prominent people walk straight from urinal to door. Maybe they’re geniuses. Maybe that’s the key to living well into the rest home years, with all the tepid tapioca and crossword puzzles. I would appreciate knowing your thoughts.


Sincerely,

Jerry
---------------------------------------
No Reply


From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 76 - War on Spam: Zongo Part 2 of 4 -- In It Only For The Money

From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Fill this application form and send it to the bank
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 2010 09:04:56 +0000

Dear Mr Jermonius

I received your mail, I was happy to hear from you anyway; I believe we are going to understand each other very well which is very very important for the success of this transfer.

I have to put every fact in order to you, and the transfer of the fund starts immediately you submit your application to the bank.

Much is not required from you; all you have to do is to send this application form to the bank requesting for the transfer of your inheritance fund, all vital information concerning the account in question will be forwarded to you.

For now all that is needed from you is your maximum co-operation and total commitment for the successful transfer of the said fund into your nominated bank account.

You do not need to worry so much, i am here to protect our interest only do not disappoint me at last. Note also that what ever expenses you made as a result of the transfer of the fund will be taken care of, so be keeping record of that, a particular percentage of the fund has been set aside to be used in taking care of all expenses before the final sharing of the fund. In a nutshell, this deal is 100% legal, risk free and safe.

This is the information you need to start off with, send this application immediately to the bank by fax or email me to inform me in order to follow it up in the bank, again contact me immediately you are through.

Nb: I want you to keep this transfer secret; whatever information i passed to you should not be disclosed to a third party for the smooth transfer of the fund.

Open your attachment file and see exactly how you are going to address your application to the bank for the transfer to start immediately, it will only take 10 bank working days for the fund to be transferred into any of your nominated bank accounts as soon as you follow the directives.

Fill the Application and sends to the bank immediately through these our bank E-mail addresses bellow.
(www_bankofafrica_bf@gala.net or foreiginremittance_bf@yahoo.com)

Waiting for your urgent response as soon as you sent it to the bank

Thanks

Mr ZONGO ALI
------------------------------------------------------------
To: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: RE: Fill this application form and send it to the bank
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 2010 11:25:35 -0500

Hey Zon-Zip-Zippy-Zippy-Zong-Zong-Zippy-Zippy-Zong-Zong-Zongo,

What's with the backtalk? "Happy to hear from you anyway"? It sounds like you're not that happy. I've started filling out the application, but now I'm getting cold feet.

We don't understand each other. I asked you for a cool nickname--great teams have cool nicknames for their members. It's part of the bonding process. Can you explain? Why are you holding back? We need to regroup.

Also, the application starts with "Dear __________". Whose name do I fill in there?

I was thinking a weekend in New Orleans when this is over. Mardi Gras. You in?

Get Back to me ASAP.

Thanks,

J.V.
-------------------------------------------------
From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr

Subject: Fill this application form and send it to the bank
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 2010 20:17:08 +0000

MR Jermonius

You said sounds like i am not happy but i am telling you that i am happy for sure, also you ask of my nickname, i don’t have a nickname than my real name Mr ZONGO ALI, you said that you have started filling the application but you’re getting cold feet i don’t understand exactly what you meant there,

You only fill your name where it starts from, i am ……………

Yes it is weekend already but fills the application to send to the bank so by Monday morning they will receive it and get you ok

Thanks

Mr ZONGOA LI
------------------------------------
My Response, 1/15/2010

Hello Mr. Z-Z-Z-puh-puh-puh-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Zon-Zong-Zoooooongoooo!

You said you were "happy to hear from me anyway". That sounded a little like you and I weren't cool. But it sounds like we are.

Sorry for the delay. I had some messy tenants that clogged up my plumbing. The Von CheddarBurger Bed and Breakfast will be closed for a few more weeks. I need you to give me a nickname. Can you do that? Here is my application.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTENTION/ Dr PIUS GAMBO
THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO
TELEFAX: 00226 50 43 36 23
E-MAIL: www_bankofafrica_bf@gala.net
E-MAIL: foreiginremittance_bf@yahoo.com
Dear Sir,

APPLICATION AS NEXT OF KIN TO ACOUNT HOLDER N: BOA: 14-2558-5976. ROUTING N: 91002211

I’m Mr Von CheddarBurger humbly apply to the bank as next of kin to your deceased customer, Mr. Park Seoungjae and great industrialist who died on a plane crash. He is my maternal Grandmother.

I humbly apply and put claim over his balance with the bank, which is valued at US$25.6millions, left in his account still unclaimed, until his sudden death, we have been business associates, jointly in exposition and buying of Gold and diamond. The funds were transferred into his account through our bank, for purchase of Gold / Diamond. I wish to advise your bank to kindly return the funds to this account, details stated below:

MY Bank Name: Bank of Brach's
MY Bank Address: 212 Pick A Mix Way, Sour Ball Village, WI 84338
MY Account Number: 7
MY Swift Code Number:8
MY Bank fax and phone number: 444-555-4567
MY Private fax and phone number: ............
MY E-mail address: jvoncheddarburger@ButterscotchDisc.com
MY Occupation: Bed and Breakfast Owner
MY Age and sex: 63
MY Country: USA

Wishing my application will be given an urgent attention, as I wish the balance be released, and re-transferred into my account as detailed. Please accept my apologies for the late application it was due to some logistic problems, which have been just settled.

Thanking you for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours sincerely…………………..

Jermonius Von CheddarBurger
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: zongoali01@hotmail.fr
Subject: Waiting for your urgent reply
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 2010 08:40:01 +0000

Mr Jermonius

I don’t have a nickname like I told you earlier and I don’t know the kind of nickname you’re talking about, also I am not satisfy of this application you filled out, what I am asking you is an empty foreign account where bank can remit the fund, but if you’re sure of the information then send it to the bank immediately for the claim

Note we must hurry up in this transaction because time frame is the best time to do this transaction.

Waiting for your urgent reply

Regard

Mr ZONGO ALI
--------------------------------------
My reply, dated 1/16/2010

Mr. Zongo Zongo It Won't Be Longo,

I understand that YOU don't have a nickname. I'm not asking for YOUR nickname. I'm asking for YOU to give ME a cool nickname for ME. For example: Erroneous Jermonius. Or "The Big Cheddah".

As for my bank account, it's foreign to you, and I'm pretty sure it's empty. Plus I don't feel like making up any more info like that. So yes, consided that to be my application.

How about a nice ski weekend in Vail when this is all over?

Thanks Man! Let her rip!

Jermonius Von CheddarBurger

----------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED....

From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 75 - Taco Bell: The Bishop and the Missing Taco - 12/30/2009

Dear Taco Bell,

What do you do with the leftover food that we order in the drive through, and never makes it into our bags? Just wondering.

By the time I get home to check, it isn’t worth it to turn around. I hope someone eats it. Maybe you donate it to a soup kitchen. That would make me less irate.

This last time, the Bishop and I ordered four Soft Tacos fresco, and a #5, plus an additional crunchy taco supreme. I get the #5, three Soft Tacos fresco, and a soft taco supreme. That means you messed up the same taco three times:

1) I asked for crunchy, not soft

2) I asked for fresco, didn’t get it

3) It was supreme, not standard.

The Bishop was a little angry. I wasn’t too thrilled either. It doesn’t really matter where or when it happened—it happens all the time at different restaurants. I think it must be a training or procedural issue, rather than personnel. Maybe you need a barcode on each item. Maybe slow down a little. And I get it—I’m supposed to pull over, look through each bag, try to discern in the moonlight what and how many of each item you decided to give us. I’m supposed to then pull back around, park, go in, wait in the maze until it’s my turn again, and then have the cashier take my word that I didn’t wolf the missing Chalupa down on the way in.

It’s getting a little old. Just like the Bishop and me. Is this part of the new Drive Thru Diet? Pay more and eat less?

Thanks,

Jerry

P.S. – Who determines how many sauce packets I get? Sometimes it’s one per item. Sometimes two. Sometimes less. Is it arbitrary? A handful? Whose hand? Maybe go one per dollar spent.
----------------------------------
No response.  I don't think they like me.  I've complained before.  I may be on a list.

---------------------------

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Post # 74 - Ol' Yeller Dog Food at Kroger - 9/14/2009

Dear Kroger,

I love your stores. You’ve made a lot of improvements. Be proud for a moment. Okay, moving on.

When I was a kid, Popeye taught me that eating spinach would make me big and strong. And strong I am. I work for the phone company, lifting tall poles and holding them in place as they are driven into the ground.

On evenings and weekends, I enjoy watching Disney Classics, with my young children, Spitzy (seven years old) and Jenner (five years old). We’ve seen them all several times. Of course, we’ve watched Popeye too—what a great lesson he delivers: What we eat affects us.

While walking through your store, I grabbed a bag of dog food. We were out. It was a big bag that would last Fleming for at least a month. We took the dog food home and started feeding Fleming. Fleming loved the food.

Last Saturday morning, after about a week, Jenner and Spitzy both came running to me, crying uncontrollably. The bag reads “Ol’ Yeller” dog food. And Walt Disney, himself, endorses this. “Daddy—does what Fleming eats affect her as well?” Of course it does. How could I lie? They started bawling.

You may recall, in Ol’ Yeller, the older brother has to shoot the dog because poor Ol’ Yeller is rabid. So my kids are flipping out. Is this dog food going to cause Fleming to start foaming at the mouth? Are we going to have to put ol’ Fleming out of her misery?

Truthfully, I don’t know how to answer them. Spinach made me strong. Maybe Ol’ Yeller dog food makes dogs angry. It didn’t help that Fleming stuck her big beak in my cappuccino, and looked like she was foaming. That kept the kids up for a couple of nights—at least they weren’t school nights.

What marketing genius came up with this dog food? Why not Lassie? Benji? Bolt? Why frighten little kids?

Sincerely,

Jerry
------------------------------------------------
Subject: Kroger Comment 7187421

Date: Thu, 8 Oct 2009 09:43:23 -0400

Dear Mr. Herman:

Thank you for contacting the Kroger Co. I apologize for the delay in responding to your email. I am sorry to leant that the name our of dog food "Old Yeller" upset your children. Please assure that like all our pet foods this is a wholesome safe product the will not harm your pet in any way.

I am forwarding your comments to product development for review. If you have any further concerns or comments please don't hesitate to contact us at 800.632.6900.

Sincerely,

Christie

Consumer Affairs

Reference: 7187421

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