Post# 235 - Kellogg: Lego My Eggo

I sent this to Kellogg on 6/24/2011:

Dear Eggo,

Have you given any thought to a cross-promotion with the Lego Folk? 

I am proposing a “Lego-shaped Eggo”.  Have one side "female" with tiny, buttery syrup-filling crevices, and the other side "male" with tiny "knobby nipples".    They would taste like Eggo Waffles and contain the wonderful nutritional value of an Eggo Waffle, but they would look and behave like an actual Lego.

Perforate the waffle in "2 knobby nipple by 2 knobby nipple" sections, so they can be separated into smaller Lego’s, and quickly assembled into make-believe homes, forts, spacecraft, and places of worship.

Imagine this: spoiled little kid asks his parents for three waffles for breakfast instead of one.  Why?  Is he hungry?  Nope.  It turns out, he wants to build a bridge over syrup river.  You just sold three waffles instead of one, pardner.

Studies conclusively show that children who are engaged in crafts and projects perform higher on standardized testing than children who follow a “hands-off” approach. 

Kids could collect UPC symbols from discarded packages and send away for real Lego kits.  Photo contests, where you give a subject and kids send photos of their completed projects could stimulate imagination.

What do you think?

Sincerely,

Jerry
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Subject: Consumer Affairs 025055913A
Date: Monday, June 27, 2011, 9:32 PM

Jerry,

Thank you for offering your assistance in the creation of a cereal product to support our business. We certainly appreciate your enthusiasm for our brands and company.

We receive almost 10,000 unsolicited proposals each year, both from our consumers and other business concerns. The Kellogg's® GR-R-REAT™ IDEAS portal allows these proposals to be reviewed by our company in a fair and consistent manner. We encourage you to visit http://www2.kelloggs.com/greatideas/ to properly share your special idea.

We appreciate your patronage of throughout the years and your offer of assistance. It is because of the support of our consumers that we have remained successful in what has become a very competitive environment. We hope that our products will continue to meet the needs of you and your family for many years to come.


Sincerely,


Valerie

Consumer Specialist
Consumer Affairs

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Post # 146 - Kellogg Frosted Shards 1/4/2010

Dear Tony The Tiger,

I work in a firehouse. Our crew covers an 8 square mile neighborhood in our classic red Pierce pumper fire engine. Nothing fills us with the energy we need, like a morning bowl of Frosted Flakes. It’s part of THIS nutritious breakfast.

Frosted Flakes contain eleven essential vitamins and minerals, plus an entire day's allotment of sugar. Sometimes, when chief hasn't made it to the grocery store, and supplies are low, I get up a little early (before the others), slide down the pole, and sneak a bowl.

Yesterday morning, I was mid-bowl when the alarm rang. I hastily shoveled whatever I could into my mouth. I quickly chewed and swallowed. Mother of All Creatures Big and Small--that tore up my throat! It hurts to talk. What I discovered from this is: Kellogg Frosted Flakes, when eaten hastily, are like little sugary shards of broken glass. That's right--she's a fickle mistress--she'll get you when you're not paying attention.

My suggestion is, why not redesign the flake. Start with a more rounded edge. You could even have someone at the end of the assembly line with a dremel, working each flake.

My other idea: construct the flake sort of like safety glass--no sharp pieces. Have the flake made up of perforated rounded subsections.

What can we do? How do we fix this? How do you comfort the little children who complain about this same thing?

Thanks,

Jerry
-----------------------------------------------------------
From: kellogg@casupport.com

Subject: Kellogg's® Consumer Affairs 020649843A
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 2010 21:32:21 -0600

Jerry,

It was nice of you to want to share your suggestion with us. While your idea is not new to us, we appreciate your interest and the time you took to submit this idea.

Our company devotes a great deal of time and effort to developing new and improved products, packaging concepts, promotions and merchandising ideas, such as recipe ideas and alternate serving suggestions, to make our products the best on the market. We hope that you will agree we are on the right track here.

Please visit http://www2.kelloggs.com/greatideas/ to share a new product or promotion idea, a recipe idea or a suggestion for improving the food or packaging performance of a current Kellogg products. Please share your Big Idea with us.

We appreciate your interest in our company.

Sincerely,

Aime

Consumer Affairs Department
TLXACX01/cl
020649843A
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My response on 1/5/2010

Dear Aime,

I find it hard to believe you thought of taking a dremel to a flake, or designing a flake of corn like a sheet of safety glass. But they say Edison stole the light bulb idea too.

Look—I don’t really want a check. I’m not looking for my name on the box. I just want a safer breakfast for me and the boys down at the station. If letting you take credit gets the wheels in motion, than “Great Idea!”

Keep up the good work!

Jerry
-------------------------------

Kellogg sent me a follow-up survey, asking if I was satisfied (no), if their response seemed scripted (yes), whether I was involved on social networking sites, and discussed products and services (hell yes).  There was only one window for commentary, which I used to voice my complaint:
From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com

Post # 93 - Einstein Bros Bagels - Filthy McPottyhands and the Bagel Ripper - 1/23/2010

I thought I made a compelling argument here.  The Einstein people had more pressing issues to handle.

I like Panera's Asiago bagels better anyway.
-----------------------------------------
Dear Einstein,

One out of four. That’s about how often I encounter a public restroom situation where a “neighbor’s” path from urinal to exit is a straight one. No time for pesky soap and water. I’ve labeled them “Filthy McPottyhands”. Big people, small people, rich people, poor people, nice people, mean people—it doesn’t seem to matter. I’ve seen it happen in a rest stop restrooms and posh mahogany and marble washrooms. Teachers, mail carriers, Fortune 500 Execs, politicians. It could be anyone.

One out of four. That’s about how often I encounter a public bagel situation where some calorie counter has decided to make a compromise—half of the calories of a full size bagel. We’ve all seen it—they reach in there (“pardon the hands!”) and rip one in half, leaving the second half for you or me. I’ve labeled them Bagel Rippers. Generally, that half bagel sits there untouched, like a baby bunny, handled by a human and swiftly rejected by his bunny parents. Like the captain of the ship, that half bagel goes down with the empty cream cheese containers.

The thing is, in the backs of our minds, we worry that Filthy McPottyhands and the Bagel Ripper are the same guy. Tim from IT, or Jake from Sales. Bob, the gruff fellow from Accounting. We don’t want Tim or Jake or Bob’s hands anywhere near us, or anything of ours. Most of all, we’d rather skip breakfast, than ingest something this filthy, this disgusting.

This is where you come in. Why doesn’t Einstein revolutionize the bagel industry once more? Convert your entire bagel operation over to Bagel Halves. Two halves constitute a whole. This would reduce the heavily handled half bagel situation.

The smart ones can figure out how to order a dozen (“You have to order 24 halves to constitute a dozen, Einstein!”).

The smart ones can figure out how to toast it (“Put it in there vertically, you big dummy!”).

When you respond, please focus on how we get there, not how “we can’t solicit outside ideas, even when they’re awesome”. I’ll sign the waiver, so you can retain your "Einstein" title.

Sincerely,

Jerry
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No reply.  Did I mention how much better I like Panera's bagels?

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