Post# 273 - Making Chuck E. Cheese Tolerable

I sent this on 9/29/2011:

Dear Chuck E. Cheese,

As a parent, I dread entering your hallowed grounds.  I;ve talked to other parents who feel the same way.  Obnoxious kids, dollars spent.  Mediocre pizza, more dollars spent.  And at the end, all of our collective earnings yield a pencil and a tootsie roll.   I have several suggestions to improve the your overall business.  You can take these and run, or you can gently cast them aside along with all of the others.

First, let's lay out a typical visit.  Joe Customer and his three kids enter Chuck E. Cheese, and are given a non-pedofile stamp.  They buy pizza, salad, drinks, and tokens.    They use the tokens to play games and accrue paper tickets. The tickets are fed into a counter machine, often, after waiting in line.   The machine spits out a receipt, which is traded in for Made-In-China trinckets worth roughly 1/100th of the value of the tokens that were spent in earning the tickets.

Here are the problems.  1) Sometimes the games eat the tokens.  2) Sometimes random kid grabs my kids' tokens.  3) Sometimes random kid grabs my kids' tickets.  I don't have eyes in the back of my head.  4) I question as to whether the counter is 100% accurate (I've seen tickets slide through, folded over (two tickets counting as one).  5) The pizza is not what I would call "restaurant quality."  So there's that.

Go paperless and coinless.  Let's face it--you're a casino for kids.  Why not copy the actual casinos?  Hand out cards on lanyards--loadable cards with the last name of the person who owns it.  Have it PIN-activated when you enter and PIN-deactivated when you leave.  The money on the cards can be used for food or "tokens".   Grandma Parker, down in Florida, can load little Julie's card in Michigan, via internet while she's napping in the back seat on the way to Chuck E. Cheese.   You can actually reward frequent visitors with free menu items, free Made-In-China trinckets, and free gameplay.  Patent the loadable token card and license it to the actual casinos.

Next, the pizza.  It comes out in a plastic pan.  Is it made fresh?  Your site states that it is, but to me, it tastes like the highest quality frozen pizza.  Kids love it--they don't know any better.   A lot of us parents push to eat somewhere else before or after.  That's the deal, and now you know.

Why not offer hand-crafted, wood-fired pizzas, bruscetta, and bread sticks?   Kids like bad pizza, but they also like good pizza. Maybe expand your menu a bit to include more bar food--$5 hand-patted half-pound burgers, poppers, chicken tenders with an array of dipping sauces.  Make the salad bar nice--add real bacon, and make it so it doesn't look like a frat house the morning after MidTerm Bender.

Why not think about Dad?  Throw some nice TV's up on those walls with sporting events.  Maybe bring Pro Tee back as one of the games.  Compete a little with sports bars and chains pretending to be sports bars.

Lastly, what about mom?  I'm talking "My kids have the day off and I have nowhere to go."  Serve awesome coffee drinks, fresh fruit, and pastries, and provide free WIFI.  That way, instead of Mom taking the kids to McDonald's Playland, or these hip coffee/indoor playground places.

Also, more and more people are allergic to gluten.  How about a gluten-free pizza?  Be a trend-setter.

I'm trying to help you.   These are honest suggestions from someone whose only motivation in going to Chuck E. Cheese, is to see a smile on his kids faces.

Sincerely,

Jerry
------------------------

I sent this on October 17th, 2011:

Dear Chuck E. Cheese,

Two weeks back, I spent some time trying to help you.  Whether you appreciate constructive criticism and 35-44 year-old male demographic feedback or not, the polite thing would be to acknowledge the time and effort that I gave you, and my continued support.

I know you received my note--I received the screen that thanks me for my feedback.

I don't really know if you care about us parents, or if it's all about turning tender into tokens, tokens into tickets, and tickets into trinkets.

I just thought you should have feedback from the 35-44 male demographic about not responding to feedback.

Sincerely,

Jerry

----------------------------

From: Guest Relations <guestrelations@cecentertainment.com>
Subject: RE: Guest Relations
Date: Tuesday, October 18, 2011, 10:10 AM

Dear Jerry,

We apologize for any inconvenience. We do not have any record of a previous
email from you and there is no complaint or feedback filed in our computer
system under your name or email address. Please re-send your email including
the details of your feedback as well as the location you visited or contact
us by phone at 1-888-778-7193. All of our customers are very important to us
and we are happy to take any constructive criticism you have to offer.

Thank you for your time,
Chuck E. Cheese Guest Relations

--------------------------------

I re-sent my letter on 10/18/11
--------------------------------
From: Guest Relations <guestrelations@cecentertainment.com>
Subject: RE: Guest Relations
Date: Wednesday, October 19, 2011, 10:15 AM

Dear Jerry,

Thank you for taking time to email us about your experiences at
Chuck E. Cheese's.  We apologize for any inconveniences and
assure you that your issue will be addressed.  We will take your
comments and suggestions into consideration when making future decisions. 

Thank you,
Guest Relations

--------------------------------
Subject: RE: Guest Relations
To: guestrelations@cecentertainment.com
Date: Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dear Guest Relations,

I'm ecstatic with your response- it's cavalry bugles in the distance to my ears.

My interpretation of your response, is that you're about to embark on a major facelift of your restaurants to address my issue.  If we interpret my "issue" to be the notion that your restaurant isn't adult-friendly, (in the future, let's generically call it "Dad-ification") then I should be seeing free wifi and Monday Night Football while I eat jalepeno poppers and drink microbrews and play Pro-Tee (or Cornhole) in no time.

I'll check back shortly to see how the Dad-ification is coming.  When the changes do happen, I'll be a legend in my neighborhood, you'll be even more profitable (no more Dads pawning the Chuck E. Cheese trip off on Moms, and vice versa).

Thanks Again,

Jerry

PS - How come you know my name, but I don't know yours?

--------------------------------

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Post# 272 - War On Spam: Madison, Failed Poet and Crazy Whore - 12/22/2010

From: pierrolalune13@hotmail.fr
Subject: Re:
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 2010 17:03:24 +0100

hi, i saw your photo on that site.. ( i think your cute) anyhow id love to chat with you sometime on windows live messenger my name there is madison19fast@hotmail.com add me i'll be online for most of the holidays.. talk to you soon

Madison xoxo

The nurseries for males of noble or eminent birth, are provided
praise the Lord!!

like as the ripples from a stone thrown in the water. have no conception how a rational creature can be compelled, but and the wind a tempest. No sleep for any one. Men all worn out.

-----Original Message-----
From: Madison
To: You
Sent: Wed, Dec 8, 2010 4:55 pm
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Beautiful Advice

ship, and lent me twenty pounds. He took kind leave of me, and would well deserve the character given to Augustus, RECALCITRAT [The author, by an extraordinary stratagem, prevents an invasion. You are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In fact, I believe I am more than usually tall for my age. called to it, that by your great and frequent urgency you
-----------------------------
To: pierrolalune13@hotmail.fr
Subject: RE:
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:48:10 -0500

Madison,

Your poetry confuses me.  Is this really a sexual metaphor?  Is the nursery really a brothel?  Is the tempest some crazy whore?  Are the men all worn out from the crazy whore?  And down below, amongst the jibberish, you reference some fellow who lent you 20 pounds.  Was he really loaning it, or was it a payment?

Are you the whore in the poem?

Get back to me on that.

Tibouli Von Shishkabbob

-------------------------

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Post# 271 - Black and Decker: Do You Manufacture a Non-Auto-Shut-off Iron? - 2/9/1998

Dear Ironing Board,

I recently purchased  your SurgXpress â Steam Iron, Model X690 for use at the restaurant which I reluctantly inherited.  With little ambition to own a struggling family restaurant that requires MAJOR investment, I have tried and tried to sell.  My staff’s wrinkle-free clothes have provided the sharp appearance necessary to sell this establishment.  It would cost almost as much to level as I would gain by selling the land.

Last week I left the iron on all night in the back room where all of the grease and paper products are kept (oops).  My wife (coincidentally) left the gas stoves on. As I soon discovered, your iron has the automatic shut-off function. 

I searched the shelves of my local appliance store, only to find that all of their Black and Decker irons feature automatic shut-off.  As a company that satisfies the varying needs of a host of different consumers, you have no doubt designed irons to meet the spectrum of differing demands.  I am interested in a model that does NOT feature an automatic shut-off.  For my particular demands, an iron that will stay on overnight is an appropriate choice.

Please provide some information (model number, suggested retail price, location) as to where I might purchase one of these “Non-Automatic Shut-off” models.   No questions asked.

Pressed, But Not Permanently,

Jerry

----------------------

Note from Black and Decker Service Representative Vanessa, dated 3/10/1998:

Dear Jerry,

Thank you for contacting us regarding a Black & Decker Product.

As a manufacturer, we do not engage in the retail sale of new household products.  Black and Decker Household Products are normally available from most mass merchants or discount stores, catalog showrooms, department stores and many drug, hardware and variety stores.  We suggest you call the store first to assure they have availability of the model you want.

We appreciate your interest in Black & Decker Household Products and if we can be of assistance in the future, please let us know.

Sincerely,

Vanessa
Service Representative

----------------------

 My response to Vanessa, sent 3/16/1998:

                                      

Dear Vanessa,

As a manufacturer, I find it alarming that you cannot provide a valued customer with a simple answer regarding the products that you ship each and every day.  I asked you a simple question:  “Do you manufacture a Non-Automatic Shut-off Iron?”   By asking Black and Decker, I felt that I was pledging my loyalty.  You responded by referring me to the “mass merchants or discount stores…department stores and many drug, hardware and variety stores.”  Obviously it doesn’t bother you that those stores might recommend other brand names (Sunbeam, Panasonic, etc.).

In any case, my needs as a customer have quickly shifted to portable space heaters.  The very same back room, containing grease and paper products, seems a bit drafty.  I am wondering if you can provide me with a part number for a space heater that does NOT feature all of these safety bells and whistles.  My efforts at the local appliance store were fruitless.  It seems that the verbiage on the packaging of every single unit contains buzz-phrases like “Cool to the Touch,” “Tip-Over Shut-off Switch,” “Thermocylindrical Heat Regulator,” or “No Heating Elements Exposed.”  I’m sorry, but that just won’t do.  My needs as a customer require a space heater not restrained by the fickle demands of a government who is overzealous on safety requirements.  Please respond.    

Ironing Out My Problems,

Jerry

------------------------

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Post# 270 - Another Run at Capital One

I sent this letter to Richard Fairbank, man of the Board, President, and Chief Exexutive Officer of Capital One on 9/29/2011.  I had a previous run-in with Capital One about this same issue.  That exchange is HERE.

Dear Mr. Fairbank,

It was a special occasion.  I had just been given a lot more responsibility for a little more pay.  My wife, two kids, and I were at a five star restaurant.  Filet Mignon, lobster, an expensive bottle of wine, chocolate souffle.  The bill was going to clear $300, but I didn't care.  As CEO, you probably understand.  This dinner was validation for all of the late nights, road trips, weekends in the office, missed dance recitals, and 20 years of stress.  This was a wet willy to all of my nay-sayers and doubters--the people who told me "you can't."

When the bill came, I reached for my wallet, when from the seat to my right, a nine-year-old girl said, "I've got this one."  She whipped out her Capital One Credit Card and put it in the leather bill book thing.  My eyes grew large.  My palms started sweating.  My mind flashed back to the letters that I exchanged with your folks back in July.  I asked for a policy change: stop enticing nine-year-olds to get credit cards.

I grew nauseous.  You folks, despite my best efforts, "got" to my daughter.  You sucked her in, and without my permission.  I started feeling dizzy.  I walked, and then ran to the bathroom and vomited.  Bye bye steak and lobster.  There's the souffle.   By my estimate, $103 worth of high end food, down the drain.  And it is CLEARLY Capital One's fault.

Where do you get off, sending my 4th grader a credit card?  Enticing her with 1% unlimited cash back, no annual fee, $0 percent until she's ten.  I think your people were unhappy with me calling them out for something that is very obviously and unquestionably stupid.  Stupid at its very core.  We wonder why the economy has gone to hell.  Handing a kid a credit card is a good place to start looking

I want a policy change.  People should be old enough to calculate compounding interest before they start thinking about credit card applications.  You know it, and I know it.

I want a lap of shame by your entire organization, around the Capital One Complex.  Not only did they not listen to me the first time, they went ahead and sent another application with an actual plastic card enclosed.  That's really low.

Lastly, you ruined my celebratory dinner.  You caused a fight between my wife and I.  I think you owe me a very nice dinner.

Sincerely,

Jerry
------------------------
From: Capital One Web Information <webinfo@capitalone.com>
Subject: Re: My Problem (KMM21563074V90996L0KM)
Date: Friday, September 30, 2011, 9:56 AM

Hello Jerry,

Thanks for your message.

We appreciate your feedback. Our goal is to provide all of our customers
with the highest level of service, and we sincerely regret that your
experience did not represent that goal.

Please call our Customer Relations Department at 1-800-955-7070
(00+1+804-934-2001 if you are overseas).  Our representatives are
available 24 hours every day for your convenience.

If you're currently a Capital One® customer, please log into Capital One
Online Banking and send us a secure message.  If you're not currently
enrolled, please visit us at www.capitalone.com and click Enroll Here or
Need to Enroll.

Since regular electronic correspondence is not a secure method of
contacting us and we wish to protect the integrity of account
information, Capital One prefers to discuss personal and
account-specific questions by secure message and telephone rather than
by e-mail.  We assure you that all other electronic contact with us such
as viewing statements and making payments is secure.

Thanks for contacting Capital One.

Regards,

Capital One

-------------------------

Subject: Re: My Problem (KMM21563074V90996L0KM)
To: webinfo@capitalone.com
Date: Friday, September 30, 2011, 10:51 AM

Dear Nameless Person,

I see my note didn't quite get to the CEO.  Nice interception.

My note really has nothing to do with my account, so it really isn't sensitive.  My daughter's credit card isn't activated, so she has no account to hack into.  As I told you a few months back, this is a policy issue.

YOU NEED TO STOP TARGETING LITTLE KIDS WITH CREDIT CARD APPLICATIONS. 

Sometimes people use all caps to stress a point, and other times, they are "yelling."  In this case, I'm yelling.  I'm yelling because you don't listen.

You still owe me a really nice dinner.

Jerry

-------------------------------------------
From: Capital One Web Information <webinfo@capitalone.com>

Subject: Re: My Problem (KMM21566445V7161L0KM)
ate: Monday, October 3, 2011, 4:21 PM

CID: 10001750783734

Dear Jerry:

Thank you for contacting the Executive Office. You recently wrote an
e-mail addressed to our Chief Executive Officer, Rich Fairbank,
expressing your concern regarding solicitations for a minor. I'm happy to address your concerns at this time in an effort to help you.

First, we regret any frustration this situation has caused. Our policy
prohibits solicitation of minors. Please reply with the name and
address, exactly as it appears on the solicitation, and I will stop
future solicitations. I can also determine how this error occurred if
you provide me with a copy of the solicitation that shows the full
mailing label (including all of the numbers that appear above the name
and address on the solicitation).

If an account was opened in the name of a person under the age of 18,
please contact me securely via telephone for assistance. Regrettably, we
are unable to respond to account specific issues via unsecured e-mail.

I hope this addresses your concerns. If you still have concerns, I?m
happy to help. Please contact me by sending a secured e-mail to my
attention or by telephone at 1-800-955-1455. I can usually be reached
Monday through Thursday between 10:00 am and 7:30 pm ET.

Regards,
Greg G.

Executive Response Committee
Capital One
--------------------------

Subject: Fw: Re: My Problem (KMM21566445V7161L0KM)
To: webinfo@capitalone.com
Date: Tuesday, October 4, 2011, 9:26 PM

Dear Greg, Attached is the photo that you requested.  I appreciate your response, and the information that you provided.  I find it fascinating that you have a policy regarding credit card applications and minors. Here's why.  Back in July, I complained about this very same matter, and your people only offered to "opt out" my daughter.  When I stated that I wasn't looking to opt out, but threatened to change my card provider if they didn't change the policy, they didn't respond. It would have been nice, back in July, if someone had mentioned the policy. Could it be that the policy is new, as a result of my previous mail?  Or is the policy one of those "lesser known" policies?  Maybe people thought the policy applied to miners.  I'm not sure why they might think that--I'm just grasping at straws at this point. What I do know is, somebody over there still owes me a nice dinner.  I am also interested to know how my daughter, 9, was mistaken for someone twice her age. Thanks, Jerry ------------------------------ From: Capital One Web Information <webinfo@capitalone.com> Subject: Re: Fw: Re: My Problem () (KMM21618534V34245L0KM) Date: Thursday, October 6, 2011, 1:21 PM CID: 10001752910530 Dear Jerry: Regrettably, we are unable to receive attachments via e-mail. Please fax a copy of the solicitation mail label to my attention at 804-968-3081. Our policy regarding solicitation of minors is not new. If a minor is solicited, it usually means data provided to us by a third party indicated the person was eligible for solicitation. I am happy to research why this occurred and share more information about the source of the data after you have provided a copy of the entire mail label from the solicitation addressed to your daughter. I will also need a telephone number to contact you with the results of the investigation. Our records show that we responded to your e-mail on June 24, 2011, at 1:26 ET with an e-mail that provided instructions on how to opt out. Incorrect data solicitations may be addressed with suppression of future solicitations (opting out). We regret our response did not address your concerns. Our compensation policy is such that we do not provide reimbursement. However, I will review a goodwill gesture at the conclusion of this investigation. I hope this addresses your concerns. If you still have concerns, I'm happy to help. Please contact me by sending a secured e-mail to my attention or by telephone at 1-800-955-1455. I can usually be reached Monday through Thursday between 10:00 am and 7:30 pm ET. Regards, Greg G. Executive Response Committee Capital One ------------------------- Subject: Re: Fw: Re: My Problem () (KMM21618534V34245L0KM) To: webinfo@capitalone.com Date: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 Greg, I just sent the documents to your attention.  Let me know if you did not receive them. Good luck with your investigation.  Please let me know how it turns out.  Thank you, Jerry ------------------------------ That same day, I received a very polite voicemail from Greg stating that he received the documents, and he would be investigating. ------------------------------ Subject: Re: Fw: Re: My Problem () (KMM21618534V34245L0KM) To: webinfo@capitalone.com Date: Tuesday, October 18, 2011 Dear Greg, I received your voicemail last week stating that you received my faxes. How is the investigation going? Do you need any more info on my end?  I can be Watson on this one.  Are you following some leads? Ideally for me, at the end of the trail, I'd like the name of the company that inaccurately provided the third party my daughter's  info.  Unless that company IS the third party.  Either way, it sounds like some organization, with which I've done business in the past, has placed both of us in this predicament.  We've both been victimized- your company's reputation, and my nine-year-old daughter's personal info. It wouldn't seem fair if there were confidentiality "barriers" preventing me from knowing this information, considering my daughter's info, while inaccurate, hasn't been treated as confidential. My concern is, this third party still has this wrong information about my daughter.  Who else are they sharing it with?  Is she going to be automatically subscribed to cigar afficianado catalogs and Frederick's of Hollywood catalogs next? I'm really not a fan of companies selling my info to other companies, let alone my daughter's information inaccurately.  I find this equal parts disturbing and distressing. There needs to be consequences. Please keep me posted. Email is fine, since I work long hours.  Then again, maybe the third party can also confirm that. Thanks, Jerry ------------------------------ From: Capital One Web Information <webinfo@capitalone.com> Subject: Re: Fw: Re: My Problem () () (KMM21770765V64843L0KM) To: "Stephanie Marie" <stephmarie1974@yahoo.com> Date: Wednesday, October 19, 2011, 3:12 PM Dear Jerry: I've completed the investigation and sent you a letter via U.S. Mail yesterday that explains the outcome. Please allow about 5 business days for delivery. Regards, Greg G. Executive Response Committee Capital One ------------------------------ Letter from Greg G., dated October 18, 2011: Dear Mr. Herman, Thank you for contacting the Executive Office.  You recently wrote us expressing your concern regarding mail solicitations for your minor daughter.  I'm happy to address your concerns at this time in an effort to help you. The data that we received from Experian and TransUnion indicate that Julie Herman is not a minor.  Experian shows Julie's date of birth as August 9, 1981, and her social security number  issue year as 1989.  TransUnion shows Julie's date of birth as August 1988 and her social security number as 1989.  Please reach out to the consumer credit reporting agencies directly to correct this information.  Their contact information is: Experian P.O. Box 9556 Allen, TX 75013 888-397-3742 http://www.experian.com/ TransUnion Trans Union Consumer Relations P.O. Box 2000 Chester, PA 19022-2000 Office in PA: 1-800-888-4213 800-916-8800 http://www.transunion.com/ I have submitted a request to suppress fgutute solicitations to the name and address provided for Julia.  However, if Julia's name was previously selected for any of our upcoming mailpromotions prior to this request, it is possible for her to receive information from us over the next several weeks.  It may take up to 30 days for your do-not-call request to be renoved from all offers.  If you receive a Capital One Telemarketing call during this 30 day period, please inform the caller that you have recently made a request not to receive telemarketing calls  or ask the caller to submit a new do not call request. As a gesture of goodwill, I have issued a $100 credit to your credit card referenced above.  I hope this letter addresses your concerns.  If you still have concerns, I am happy to help.  Please contact me at 1-800-955-1455.  I can usually be reached Monday through Thursday  between 10:00 AM and 7:30 PM ET. Sincerely, Greg G. Executive Response Committee Capital One ------------------------------- My response, sent 10/24/2011: Dear Greg. Thank you very much for your help in this investigation.  Thank you also for the kind gesture of $100. We will follow your advice and go after these identity theft bastards through Experian and TransUnion. My only, only, only beef with Capital One goes back to my exchanges back in July.  One of the things that I read on the TransUnion sight is, a minor receiving credit card applications is one of the biggest indicators of identity theft.  When I was complaining about this issue, I wasn't aware that it was a symptom of identity theft.  I just thought your company was being overly-aggressive.  Until you came along, no one at Capital One stood up and said "Psst...it goes against our policy to solicit miinors.  We'll look into things on our end, but you might start looking at credit reports for your son or daughter."  By not doing this, you gave these people that much more time to order place settings and popcorn poppers (or whatever they ordered) on my daughter's credit.  You might just reviiew your response policies with the whole Capital One team in this instance and maybe have everyone more proactive for this scenario in the future. I don't want to dwell on the negative because you've done a great job. Thanks again, Jerry ------------------------------

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