Post # 107 - Corona Twelve Pack and Any Salty Snack Rebate: The Great Lie 1-1-2010

This was a rip-off.  I didn't fall for it, but I wonder how many people did.  The "details" on the back are things like receipt with beer and snack circled, UPC codes, etc.  Nothing about what constitutes a salty snack.
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Dear Corona,

Imagine a hectic day-before-Christmas Eve at the grocery store. People hustling and bustling to get their final food purchases to feast and entertain. Perhaps later they might go wassailing, but that’s too far off in the future. People in long check-out lines are crabby and focused on one thing: getting out of there.

As I went through the beer isle, I saw a great deal—a $5 rebate on my favorite beer, Corona. The qualifier: “Any Salty Snack”. Your words, not mine. So I grabbed a "twelver" and a bag of pretzels, since nothing goes better with Corona than salty pretzels. Of course, this also meant the purchase of a few limes.

I walked up to the self-check area with my “lesws-than-15” items, and proceeded. I always ring up alcohol last, since someone needs to check my identification. Toward the end of the process, as I was being carded, the cashier said “read the fine print on that rebate”.

I couldn’t believe my eyes: “$8 Minimum Salty Snack Purchase Required”. For portraying such a carefree lifestyle in your ads, you sure do care how much I spend on my snack, and how salty it is.

What salty snack costs $8? Most bags of chips cost $5 or less. If I bought two bags, would that constitute ONE snack, or two?

What constitutes “Salty”? Would 500 mg of sodium per serving cover us? Vague, and subject to the discretion of someone I’ve never met at the rebate center--probably a saltaholic.

Then I wondered what constitutes a snack. Is it something strictly for between meals, or as an accompaniment, such as chips, pretzels, etc? Does pizza count? That’s pretty salty, and can probably exceed your $8 bogey. At the same time, people eat pizza for lunch and dinner. Heck—I’ve eaten it cold for breakfast. Is pizza a snack or a meal?

At the end of the day, I had the cashier take the beer back, which upset the line of people behind me, because it took more time. I felt tricked. I felt betrayed. I felt like a jackass.

I feel like you intentionally tricked people with your vague “Salty Snack” description, and $8 minimum fine print. I feel like you intentionally put a vague, difficult-to-attain qualifier on the rebate to get people to buy your beer under false pretenses. How much does Corona pad their bottom line by tricking their loyal customers?

Sincerely,

Jerry
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No hablo Ingles.

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Post # 69 - Better Made Checks and Balances 11-10-2009

A friend of mine complained that she purchased some Bettermade Triple Mix Popcorn.  For those of you who don't know, this is the Cheese/Butter/Caramel Blend (also known as Chicago Style).  Pull the cardboard divider out of one of those big popcorn tins and shake it up.  Anyway, the key to Triple Mix is the blend of salty and sweet.  Without ample caramel corn, you have a dud on your hands.

Thanks for the tip Kim!
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Dear Better Made,

I absolutely love all of your snacks. Pretzels, chips--Sweet Barbecue, Sour Cream ‘n’ Onion, Cathy’s Creamy Barbecue—all are top shelf. Your various popcorns make me so happy—Ranch, Cinnamon, Caramel, and Cheese! When out-of-towners ask me for a “taste of Michigan,” I point them right at the Better Made isle.

With every great job comes great challenges. As a 12th Grade United States Government teacher at the local high school, I am required to teach “often-dry” material. The difficult part is trying to “reach” Jake, the high school quarterback, whose mind has drifted to tonight’s kegger at Tommy’s since Tommy’s dad is in Barbados with his secretary. I’m also trying to reach Lisa, who is panicked because she locked her keys in the car, “oh and um like there’s a case of beer in the trunk that we bought at lunchtime”. Sometimes, I use everyday examples—simple things.

That particular day, the topic was checks and balances. The Better Made Triple Mix popcorn in my lunch became a makeshift example. In my Better Made example, Butter Corn vetoed a law passed by Cheese Corn. Cheese Corn overrode Butter Corn's veto with a vote of two-thirds of both poppers. Another example, Caramel Corn checked Cheese Corn by declaring a kernel unconstitutional. This power was is balanced by the fact that members of the Supreme Caramel Corn are appointed by the Butter Popcorn, and those appointments have to be approved by Cheese Corn.

My example fell flat on its face when I could hardly find any caramel corn in my Better Made Triple Mix Blend. With inadequate Caramel Corn representation, the bag was unable to uphold the constitution, and we had anarchy. Anarchy, both in the popcorn bag, and also in my classroom where Molly McPimpleton questioned my qualifications to teach her. Paper wads were flying east to west, erasers north to south. A Pelosi Paper airplane, a Mitt Romney paper football.

Your popcorn undermined me! What would cause such an imbalance of power, and for that matter, flavor? You and I know that everybody likes the caramel corn best. It was just a little disappointing. The package read "A26DEC2009C".

Sincerely,

Jerry
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Follow-up on 11/18/2009


Dear Better Made,

Just following up. It has been over a week and I have not heard from anyone.

My triple blend was really light on the caramel. I was just wondering what was up.

Thanks,

Jerry
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No response, other than automatic notification that they received my email.

From http://thehermanletters.blogspot.com