Post# 232 - BIC: Your Pen Leaked on My Pants!

True story: a Bic Pen leaked in the pocket of my beige khakis.  The ink seeped through the pocket.  I sent this letter on 1/10/1996:

Dear BIC:

I am a loyal BIC Classic Stic user--I love the contour of the shaft, and the way the ink flows with such consistency. Others criticize me, saying “You need one of them fancy pens--the ones that write upside down in a rocket ship.”  I fire back “I am rarely upside down (except for a few fraternity parties...), and I do not want to go on a rocket ship.  I’ve always hated Tang.”  Whatever the comment, I can always find a way of defending BIC--until yesterday.

We recently hired this arrogant young punk who thinks he is, by all measures, perfect.  Yesterday, he entered my weekly staff meeting and interrupted “BIC means Best in Class.”  I replied “that’s right-what about it?”  He said “if your BIC pens are the best, why is there a big black spot on your shirt?”  I was foiled--dumbfounded.  Come to think of it, these spots have been occurring quite frequently.

Did you not used to put a little felt stopper in the ink shaft?  Would this not solve our little problem?  What about getting rid of that little hole--would that help?  What is it there for anyway?  I’ve always wondered.

Finally, what can you do for me?  I have gone through several pairs of pants, and two shirts.  Would you offer any kind of clothing reimbursement for such a loyal customer (a friend).  I would appreciate any extension of courtesy that you might offer.  Please provide a written response (written with a BIC pen, if you choose) to my questions and concern.  Thank you.

Still Wielding the Classic Stic,

               

Jerry

---------------

BIC's Response, dated 1/25/1996:

Dear Jerry:

We have received your letter regarding the BIC Classic Stic Pens that leaked causing ink damage

to several pairs of pants and two of your shirts.

We care a great deal about the quality of our products and encourage our consumers to bring

any problems they may have to our attention.

Company policy requires the return of any pens  that cause ink damage for examination by our Quality Assurance Department to determine the cause of leakage.

Therefore, we would appreciate the return of these pens to my attention for their examination.  We will also need the return of your pants and shirts and receipts showing purchase price or

some other means of substantiating the value of the damaged items.  We have enclosed a

postage-paid mailing label for this purpose.

We have also enclosed a complimentary selection of writing instruments for your use.  We are

confident they will give you many hours of trouble-free writing performance.

As soon as we receive their completed analysis, we will contact you.  Thank you for your

cooperation and for taking the time to bring this to our attention.

Sincerely,

Laura Ceballos

Consumer Affairs

Enc:     Postage Paid Mailing Label (1) PPML

 --------------------

 



My Response, sent 2/8/1996:

Dear Pen Pals:

Thank you for your prompt response to my letter.  I must say, the assortment of pens (10 in all) has decorated my credenza most elegantly.  Furthermore, the fact that you sent me a shipping label to return my ink stained clothes for full reimbursement is unheard of these days.  I really appreciate it, and have told everyone of your excellent service.

I have enclosed several of the leaky pens.  I think that they leak when placed in my pocket upside down.  The shop gets very warm, and maybe my body heat makes the ink less viscous, increasing its volumetric flow rate (vfr).

I have included a few sample pens related to a separate issue:  One of my coworkers likes to “aggressively” chew his pens (he recently quit smoking).  Often, we gauge what time it is by how much of his pen is left (by noon, it’s half gone).  I wonder if BIC has considered flavored ink.  Also, is pen ink safe to consume?  What actions should we take if his complexion turns a bluish or blackish hue? 

I will enclose some articles of clothing along with the receipts for replacements if it happens again. Unfortunately, I have given my stained clothes to local charities, or have condemned them to use for dirty chores, such as oil changing and beekeeping.   Again, I appreciate your quick, considerate response.

Sincerely,

Jerry

---------------------------

True to their word, BIC cut me a check to cover the cost of my clothes.  I must say, I was mighty impressed by this, and think of it whenever I see a BIC pen.

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Post# 231 - Energizer: Why Did You Get Rid of the Little Power Indicator Thing?

This is part two of a two-part experiment.  Rival companies, the same complaint raised with each.  Will they reply in the same manner?  The issue is, back in the late 1990's, both Duracell and Energizer had a neat little power meter on the side of their batteries to show how much power is left.  The user would place his fingers on dots on either side of the meter, and some portion of the "power meter" would change color. It was a simple gadget, very helpful when encountering a drawerful of batteries.  Then, one day, it disappeared.  My letter to Duracell is here.

I sent this to Energizer 7/10/2010:
Dear Energizer,

As a sales rep for several battery powered, home-use products, can you imagine the embarrassment when my products don’t work, or work with very low power?

Back in the late 90’s, you had a great and useful feature on your batteries.  It was a tiny power indicator.  The consumer could touch two contacts on the battery (AAA, AA, etc.), and a little meter would show l how much power was left.  He or she could then gage whether a battery replacement was needed, based on upcoming use.

Why did you do away with this?  When did it become a bad thing to know how much power is left?  Is it better to leave us with our proverbial pants down, and end up with no power when we clearly need power?  Is the strategy to get suckers like me to replace our 50% or 75% charged batteries before an in-home demonstration, or bachelorette party, to avoid this embarrassment, because we can’t easily tell without a voltmeter from Radio Shack?  If so, that isn’t cool.

Let’s re-focus our attention on the customer on his or her needs, and maybe the bottom line will take care of itself.  If I don’t sell my wares, you certainly lose out on the battery sales that go along with it.

Power to the People!

Jerry

------------------------
Subject: RE: Energizer MAX Batteries
Date: Thursday, July 14, 2011, 1:16 PM

July  14, 2011
Case ID:  3267470

Dear Jerry,

Thank you for visiting Energizer's Web site and for your inquiry.  I am sorry to learn that our batteries did not meet your expectations; however, I am happy to assist you.

To compensate you for your time and inconvenience, I would like to send you a coupon to replace those batteries.  You should receive this in 7-10 business days.

Thank you for contacting Energizer. If you need further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Energizer Consumer Relations
1-800-383-7323
http://www.energizer.com/
-------------------------------
Subject: RE: Energizer MAX Batteries
Date: Thursday, July 14, 2011, 10:10 PM

Dear Energizer Consumer Relations, Your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Relations were cruel to name you like that.  It's nice to see such an unusual name either helped, or didn't stop you in your career though. Thank you for responding, and I appreciate your offer for batteries.  I hope from my note, you are able to tell what types of batteries I was complaining about.  You can probably tell from bar codes and credit cards, but the batteries were: AAA Multi pack (It was 16 pack) for the "Saturday Night Special" AA Multi pack (it was 36 pack) for the "Taiwanese Ticklers" C Multi pack (12 pack) for the "Jumping Jelly Rockets" D Multi pack (12 pack) for the "Incredibly Insane Inferno's" 9 Volt (6 Pack) for the Mighty Mega. Again, I appreciate it.    Separate topic, but does Energizer plan on putting the little power indicator thing back on the sides of the batteries?  Everybody liked it, and it was a good thing. Sincerely,   Jerry -------------------------   The following letter came in the mail, dated July 15th, along with a $5 coupon:   Dear Jerry,   Thank you for contacting us about the products that failed to provide satisfactory service.   We apologize for your inconvenience.  We are enclosing Energizer coupon(s) towards the value of replacement products.   Situations like this don't happen very often, but on rare occasions when a problem arises, we are very concerned.  We appreciate your taking time to make us aware of the problem you have encountered.  Customers like you help us maintain a high level of quality for our products.   Once again, thank you for bringing this situation to our attention.  We hope that you continue to think of Energizer when you purchase lighting products and batteries.   If you ever have any further questions, please contact us at 1-800-383-7323 or visit us on the internet at http://www.energizer.com/ .   Sincerely,   Energizer Consumer Affairs -----------------------------------

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Post# 230 - Duracell: Why'd You Do Away With That Little Power Indicator Thing

This is part one of a two-part experiment.  Rival companies, the same complaint raised with each.  Will they reply in the same manner?  The issue is, back in the late 1990's, both Duracell and Energizer had a neat little power meter on the side of their batteries to show how much power is left.  The user would place his or her fingers on dots on either side of the meter, and some portion of the "power meter" would change color. It was a simple gadget, very helpful when encountering a drawerful of batteries.  Then, one day, it disappeared.  My letter to Energizer is HERE.   I sent this to Duracell on 7/10/2010:
------------------------

Dear Duracell,

As a sales rep for several battery powered, home-use products, can you imagine the embarrassment when my products don’t work, or work with very low power?

Back in the late 90’s, you had a great and useful feature on your batteries.  It was a tiny power indicator.  The consumer could touch two contacts on the battery (AAA, AA, etc.), and a little meter would show l how much power was left.  He or she could then gage whether a battery replacement was needed, based on upcoming use.

Why did you do away with this?  When did it become a bad thing to know how much power is left?  Is it better to leave us with our proverbial pants down, and end up with no power when we clearly need power?  Is the strategy to get suckers like me to replace our 50% or 75% charged batteries before an in-home demonstration, or bachelorette party, to avoid this embarrassment, because we can’t easily tell without a voltmeter from Radio Shack?  If so, that isn’t cool.

Let’s re-focus our attention on the customer on his or her needs, and maybe the bottom line will take care of itself.  If I don’t sell my wares, you certainly lose out on the battery sales that go along with it.

Power to the People!

Jerry

---------------------
Subject: Thanks for contacting Duracell. [ ref:00D7JViV.5007HkoqP:ref ]
Date: Wednesday, July 13, 2011, 10:38 AM

Dear Jerry,

Thanks for contacting Duracell.

I’m sorry you’re disappointed not been able to find a Duracell battery tester anymore. Unfortunately, Duracell has discontinued make battery tester and they are no longer available.  Generally, decisions to start or stop making products are based on consumer demand, so feedback like yours is extremely valuable. Please be assured I'm sharing your information with the rest of our team.

Since I don’t have a recommendation for you at this time, you can do a basic internet search to locate a battery tester online as there may still be some retailers who have this product in stock.

Thanks again for taking the time contacting us.

Veron S.
Duracell Team

----------------------

Subject: Re: Thanks for contacting Duracell. [ ref:00D7JViV.5007HkoqP:ref ]
Date: Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Veron,

Thanks for following up.  I appreciate your efforts.  I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing- based on what you're telling me, we can't be.

This was a tiny feature on each battery- a means to tell how much charge was left. 

You're saying consumer demand dictates these things.  That implies, in this case, that people essentially stopped buying Duracell batteries because they did not like having a means to check the remaining life, right there on the side of the battery.  It wasn't intrusive- if they didn't like the feature, they could ignore it.  It didn't take up any space. 

In short, it was a grand tip of the cap to the yankee ingenuity of our forefathers.  I guess Eli Whitney can be glad that some focus group didn't wreck his cotton gin contraption.

Thanks again.

Sincerely,

Jerry
------------------------

Subject: Thanks for contacting Duracell. [ ref:00D7JViV.5007HkoqP:ref ]
Date: Wednesday, July 13, 2011, 4:28 PM

Hi Jerry,

Thanks for responding, however we do have batteries that comes with the Powercheck on them that you can test to see how much power is left in the batteries, these batteries are the Duracell Ultra Advance Powercheck.

Thanks again for writing.

Veron S.
Duracell Team
------------------------

Subject: Re: Thanks for contacting Duracell. [ ref:00D7JViV.5007HkoqP:ref ]
Date: Wednesday, July 13, 2011, 9:17 PM

Hi Veron, I see that now.  Some quick research shows that for over $1 per AAA battery, I can get a battery that lasts 30% longer, and the PowerCheck feature.  I'm able to get the standard (30% less power) battery for roughly 40 cents per battery. The powercheck used to be on normal batteries, batteries for the everyman.  Those were the days. Thanks, Jerry -------------------

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Post# 229 - Late Show With David Letterman: My Attempt to Get On Stupid Pet Tricks

I sent this to Dave's staff on 4/19/1998:

Dear Mr. Letterman,

I am writing to propose what I believe is a marquee feature for your next installation of “Stupid Pet Tricks.”  I present to you “Singing Chester, the Hang Gliding Monkey.”

Chester is a five-year-old which I rescued from a burning building, while working as a volunteer fireman.  My intention was to return this lost primate to its rightful owner, but grateful victim offered Chester as a gift for my squad saving his condo.  Besides, Chester would not hear of leaving my arms.

Over the past three years, Chester and I have spent our leisure time in the great outdoors.  At first, we flew kites.  Then, we juggled.  Finally we hang glided.  Chester is currently the only certified hang gliding monkey in the world.  Furthermore, he has successfully landed his craft from the top of a nearby 26-story bank office building (the tallest in our area), and flown on three continents (North and South America, and Europe). 

Furthermore, as he hang glides, he “sings” the Welche Labung Fur Die Sinne oratorio of Haydn’s opera Die Jahreszeiten.  He messes up the second half, and at times, sings off-key when sudden wind gusts jar his craft, but in general, it is a remarkable rendition.  By the time he reaches your show, I can guarantee we will have the vocal irregularities resolved.

Above: Chester taking flight in the Himalayan Mountains (I was so proud!).

I envision a prosperous movie career in Chester’s future.  Warner has discussed a possible Any Which Way But Loose/You Can sequel, perhaps co-starring with Mr. Eastwood.  In the meantime, I am interested in booking Chester on your show.  Please let me know my prospects of showing my best friend off and amazing everyone.  If you want, you can hook a small camera on him so the audience can see what hang gliding is really like.  We can send him off the top of the Ed Sullivan Theater, or a taller building (of your choice).  The ball is in your court.

I’ll see you soon!

Instructing Chester not to Fly too Close to the Sun,

Jerry

------------------------------------

No Reply

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Post# 228 - Hasbro Hungry Hungry Hippos and The Undersized Box

After buying this and putting it together for my kids, I realized that it doesn't go back in the box.  With tiny plastic marbles, why would anyone want that convenience?  I sent this on 12/26/2006:


To Whom It May Concern:

After Santa delivered us Hungry Hungry Hippos, I assembled it according to your instructions.

My daughter, Jill, son, Joe, wife, Holly, and I played all night. What fun!

At the game's conclusion, I went to put it back in the box you provided, and to my surpise and disappointment, the box was too small, or the game was too big to store. See photo.

Did I assemble incorrectly? What do you suggest that I do for storage?

Is this a ploy to get the little marbles to roll under the shelf in the game closet so I have to buy more? Was it a dollars and cents decision made by big-wig executives who are "out of touch" with the gameplaying populus that likes to place their games back in their original boxes without intensive disassembly to ensure dust-free play, neat storage, and no loss of or damage to pieces? The exhaustion that you feel after reading that run-on only touches the level of exhaustion that I feel after having tried to squeeze that game into that box.

I would suggest, as a courtesy to future customers, a disclaimer, maybe a coupon for raw materials at Lowes or Home Quarters to construct an ample storage unit.

I would appreciate an explanation, as I feel like I'm on the receiving end of the Milton Bradley Shaftola. Future generations may refer to it as "He got Milton Bradley-ed"

Lastly, is it true that the original game was played with real hippos? I read that somewhere.

Curious and a Little Disappointed,

Jerry

------------------------

From: Veronica at Hasbro, sent 12/27/2006:

Hi Jerry,

Thank you for contacting us. We appreciate your taking the time to share your opinion and feedback with us regarding our packaging.

Consumer satisfaction is very important to us. We will share your comments with our management team so that they are also aware of your views.

Since our ultimate goal is to bring happiness to the consumers who use our products, and certainly not disappointment, under separate cover we will be sending you some coupons for you to use when you purchase your next Hasbro products.

Also, the game Hungry Hungry Hippos was never played with real hippos.

We want to assure you that we are dedicated to maintaining quality products and service. We hope you and your family will enjoy our products for many years to come.

------------------------------------
My note to Veronica, sent 1/31/2007

Hello,

In your previou correspondence, you mentioned some coupons. We never received anything.

The thing that reminded me about this was, as we were packing for a family trip to Florida, we were deciding what games to take, and we had to leave Hungry Hungry Hippos home because it, sadly, does not fit in the box.

Sincerely,

Jerry
----------------------------------
Veronica's note, sent 2/1/2007

Hi Jerry,

Thank you for your email. I apologize you never received the coupons.

Please be assured I have ordered some more coupons for you. They are being sent to:

Jerry

-----------------------------

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